On Becoming a Doula

I have been wanting to get into the birth world, and in May I made a big decision - I attended doula training. I was nervous about taking on this new endeavor since Irene is so young and needs her mama. I am with her all day and night, and she still nurses like a 4 month old. I decided to go ahead and get the training done, and slowly work on getting births under my belt for certification.

I'll be completely honest here: I am also scared. I feel it is such an honor and awesome responsibility for a mother and her spouse to choose a doula to be present with them at one of the most important times of their life. What if I am not enough for them? What if I let them down? What if I don't know how to comfort the mom, or support the dad? I need to be brave. I need to do this.

This weekend, a friend of mine called me. She had two moms in labor at the same time and needed a doula to help her out. She asked me if I would be willing, and I stared down my fears and went. I drove into town to support a mom that has had multiple cesareans and was trying for a vaginal delivery.

I walked into the room and met a beautiful woman and her sweet partner. I rubbed feet, legs, back, arms. I gave supportive words. I used essential oils for relaxation. We did hip squeezes and counterpressure. We did visualization techniques. It wasn't enough to help this mom avoid another section. She was at peace with her decision to consent to the section, but I can't help but feel like a complete failure.

I am devastated. I know that I did all that I could as a support person, and it was her informed choice. I just don't know how to process this yet. Mom and baby are doing well , but I am not sure how I am. I didn't expect my first time out to end this way.