Inappropriate Me

She walks

2011-08-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

Last night, Irene took her first steps. The very first one was a sideway step - just one. Then we let her try to walk from me to Ephraim...she took two. She did two to three steps over and over, then sat down on me and looked exhausted.

Oh, and she has three teeth with three more trying to come down. I would take pictures but all I have is a crappy cell phone camera with no memory. Blerg.

On Becoming a Doula

2011-08-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to get into the birth world, and in May I made a big decision - I attended doula training. I was nervous about taking on this new endeavor since Irene is so young and needs her mama. I am with her all day and night, and she still nurses like a 4 month old. I decided to go ahead and get the training done, and slowly work on getting births under my belt for certification.

I'll be completely honest here: I am also scared. I feel it is such an honor and awesome responsibility for a mother and her spouse to choose a doula to be present with them at one of the most important times of their life. What if I am not enough for them? What if I let them down? What if I don't know how to comfort the mom, or support the dad? I need to be brave. I need to do this.

This weekend, a friend of mine called me. She had two moms in labor at the same time and needed a doula to help her out. She asked me if I would be willing, and I stared down my fears and went. I drove into town to support a mom that has had multiple cesareans and was trying for a vaginal delivery.

I walked into the room and met a beautiful woman and her sweet partner. I rubbed feet, legs, back, arms. I gave supportive words. I used essential oils for relaxation. We did hip squeezes and counterpressure. We did visualization techniques. It wasn't enough to help this mom avoid another section. She was at peace with her decision to consent to the section, but I can't help but feel like a complete failure.

I am devastated. I know that I did all that I could as a support person, and it was her informed choice. I just don't know how to process this yet. Mom and baby are doing well , but I am not sure how I am. I didn't expect my first time out to end this way.

August 2011

2011-08-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

Do you remember these kids??? Yup, that is Eli and Ephraim, the first day of school. I know, seeing them here on the blog - or seeing anything on this blog - seems like a mirage. (BTW - don't ask me why they are making weird faces. Something about this age requires them to look goofy in every picture.)

My fifth grader. Middle school is next year. Aack!

Third grade already. And boy does he have the attitude to go with it.

They have been back to school for just over 2 weeks now and Ephraim has already missed two days of school. He has a yucky cough and cold. They are also going to miss a week of school so we can go to Utah; we are off to a stellar start. One of the things I hate hate hate about school is attendance. Yes, I get it that they need to be in school. Yes, I understand that the school loses money if the kids are habitually gone. But there is so much more I would rather do whenever the mood strikes us than school. I really should homeschool these boys, but they just aren't interested.

Other things happening? Well, Irene turns 1 in two more days. I am so surprised that this year has gone so fast. Also, most of you already also know this but we are expecting another babe in late winter/early spring. I have been feeling good, just tired. I want to sleeeeeeep. Seriously. Sleep right now sounds divine.

I am going to try and document more on here. I need to stay off of Facebook in order for that to happen. Ask Renee - Facebook kills blogs.

Ephraim made it alive to 8

2011-02-03T12:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Ephraim's 8th birthday. Yes, he made it. I won't hear him say "I am 7 and a half and a quarter" anymore. Yesterday he pronounced, "I am 8 and no quarters."

No party, no presents (except for Legos from grandma - she is always spoiling them!). He doesn't really like that, but his baptism is in a few weeks so he has to wait for his baptism luncheon - family rules for an 8th birthday. Then he'll also get his own set of scriptures plus scouting crap, I mean scouting gear.

The boys have been on a no-sugar, no-red-dye diet, so we splurged last night and had chocolate cake and 2 kinds of ice cream. Ephraim also got to eat powdered sugar donuts, and he ate so many his stomach hurt. He is definitely my son.

~Happy Birthday, Ephraim~

Quick post

2010-10-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today Irene laughed for the first time

I'm a happy mommy.

Cousin Cathy

2010-09-17T11:46:00.001-07:00

I have always felt that my cousin Cathy was a hybrid auntie-cousin because, although she is my first cousin, she has a son that is my age. We have never lived near each other, but I have always felt close to her and her family because my mom made sure and keep their ties close, so I feel connected to her. The Schofield women are all dear to my heart.

As I have gotten older, I have begun to learn more about growing these relationships. Cathy is an amazing woman for many reasons, the biggest being her tender heart. She is good and loving to her core. One of Cathy's passions is childbirth and she has been a doula and then a midwife for 13 years. When I was pregnant with Eli, Cathy sent me the book Birthing from Within. I read it and learned about natural childbirth, and I felt like that was something that I wanted to experience. Unfortunately I wasn't as prepared or as ready for that experience as I thought I was. Fast forward 9 years and I was pregnant with baby #3, and Cathy had been a home birth midwife for about 6 years. She so kindly made room in her schedule to come and stay with me for Irene's birth, and through this experience we bonded so much more.

Cathy arrived on August 12, the day before I was due. I knew I was going to be a little late, but at the time we didn't know how late Irene was going to arrive. Cathy spent her time here hanging out, shopping, pampering me, spoiling the boys, and she even attended a Temple session.

One of the things she did while here in hot Arizona was take a trip to Tortilla Flat, just Cathy and me. I hadn't ever heard of it, but apparently there is this book by John Steinbeck titled Tortilla Flat, and Cathy being a huge Steinbeck fan wanted to drive up to see it (shout out to Kristin and Tim for suggesting this trip). We spent August 23 driving Cathy's Mini Cooper up Apache Trail to a tiny itty bitty spot on the side of the road that had a convenience store, a restaurant/bar/saloon, and a gift shop. This was apparently Tortilla Flat, AZ.

We stopped and bought some weird granola and surprisingly good prickly pear cactus ice cream.

After that we pressed on and drove past Canyon Lake, Apache Lake, and Roosevelt Lake. That sounds easy enough, right? It would have been, except we had to drive 10 mph on a dirt road for 2 hours in the Mini. There were some beautiful spots though. The only problem was the road was tiny, big enough for just one car in most spots, so it's not like we could pull off and get pictures or have a picnic. The dirt road finally ended at Roosevelt Lake.

We continued on into the town of Globe, Arizona. If you ever decide to visit Globe and want to check out the eclectic shops downtown, I do not recommend going on a Monday afternoon in the summer - apparently everything is closed. We drove into a scary "antique" shop parking lot, but really it looked a lot like Auntie Em's Garden Gnome Emporium from Percy Jackson/The Lightning Thief. It was just missing the stone statues of all the people that looked at Medusa. We sat in the car, ate our sack lunch, then took off outta there before Uma Thurman came out with snakes on her head.

We drove on to Miami, AZ and fell in love with it. I know, I know, it is a tiny little mining town that seems uncool to most of you. But seriously, look at this little bridge:

It reminds me of the cuteness of a bordertown without the ugly that comes with bordertowns. If that even makes sense. Anyway, Cathy bought some books and I bought a piña colada smoothie at a cute bookstore, and then we were off again.

Traveling with Cathy, we got to spend a lot of time just talking and experiencing the day together. I love that she is willing to stop and take in the experience, to savor the details of the day instead of racing to the next point. I loved it.

That night, after Family Home Evening, Cathy read to the boys one of the books she bought them at the Miami bookstore. It is Tom by Tomie dePaola. The boys thought it was hilarious. And it was.

Another one of the books she bought at the bookstore was a recipe book from Sanibel locals. I had never heard of Sanibel, so I asked her about it. Cathy explained that it is a small island off the coast of Florida, and there is a song about it by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. Apparently on some of the many car trips she took with Eli and Ephraim, she would play Sanibel for them and they loved it. Of course, we had to listen to the song over and over until it became the soundtrack for Tuesday, August 24. That was the day I went into labor.

I learned so much more about my beautiful cousin over the two weeks that she spent with me. I learned how vast and deep Cathy's heart is. I was able to hear her bear her testimony, to see how close she is to Heavenly Father. I was able to see her love, her friendship, and her faith in action. I learned that she loves toast and a hard boiled egg for breakfast, that she loves adventure but sometimes goes too fast for too long and needs to rest. I accidentally discovered that her undergarments are way too small for me (oops!). I began to understand how closely familial ties bind us, how we are "cut from the same cloth." I also learned from Cathy to trust my instincts, to believe in myself, to love my body and what it has been divinely created to do.

The boys, Joe and I began to rely on her. I don't really know how to explain it. normally it seems that the house kind of centers around me because I am the mom. Somehow things shifted and we began to look to Cathy. She became a huge part of our lives.

Irene was born Wednesday, August 25. That day was just a huge blur of hormones and love. Evening time came and Cathy took the boys on an errand with her while Joe and I stayed home and basked in the joy of our new bundle. The boys loved their rides with Cathy - listening to The Beatles, singing at the top of their lungs. That night they said goodbye to her.

The next morning, Cathy packed her car and I watched her drive away at 6:30 in the morning. I thanked her for everything, but I couldn't put into words what I was thanking her for. How could I? How could I say "thank you for touching my heart and changing my life" without sounding cheesy or trite? How do you thank someone for being authentic and true to themself? How do you tell someone that you have become a better person by being around them and witnessing how someone loves and lives passionately? So instead I just hugged her and told her to drive safely.

I went in the house and told the boys that Cathy was gone. Then we all cried.

A few minutes later, we found a note that she left for us. It said:

Lucky
Princess Reni Belle ♥
She has an
amazing Mama,
an awesome Papa,
and the
coolest big brothers
ever!
So much love to you ~
Cousin Cathy
*

We listened to Sanibel almost constantly in the days that followed, and I reflected on how much I love this cousin of mine, and how lucky I am for that time that we had together.

I miss you, my soul cousin.

A rose by any other name...

2010-09-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

So a lot of people are struggling with Irene's name. I know, I know - it seems benign enough, especially since my family has been saying the name Irene since we can remember (seeings how it is my mother's name and everything). Then Joe and I have to go and make things difficult. Here's the deal: we love the name Irene in English, but we especially love it in Spanish. Here is my attempt at explaining the difference in pronunciation.

English: eye-REEN
Spanish*: ee-RE-nay

*The hardest part about pronouncing her name in Spanish is trying to roll that soft "r."

I don't care if you can roll an r (either soflty or hard). I don't do it all that well, anyway. I tell the boys to just pronounce it ear-E-nay, and they usually do. Sometimes they just say it with the English pronunciation, and that is fine with me too. So if you can't say it in Spanish - or you just don't want to - then say it with the English pronunciation.

OR ~ you can always call her by her nickname that was given to her by cousin Cathy - Reni Belle. We love this one too.

p.s. Vicky, does reading her name and pronouncing it differently in your head help you with your thoughts of me nursing Irene?

Baby photo dump

2010-09-14T14:25:00.001-07:00

I have actually been taking (and dowloading) pictures of thie baby, which is completely out of the ordinary for me. Hopefully these will help me remember what Irene was like the first three weeks of her life.

This is her first bath. I started the water off way too warm for her, but once I got the temperature right she seemed to really enjoy it. She was very relaxed and calm. (8/30)

Maybe Irene was too relaxed, because if you look closely underneath her, she pooped. Nice, right? We ended up showering together. (8/30)

Sleeping in my arms. It seems to be her favorite place to sleep. (8/31)

Shocking to have her eyes open and have her not be nursing. (9/1)

Do NOT mess with her feet. Ever. She takes after her Grandpa Francis and me on this one. (9/1)

I love this picture. It is so adorable when she puts her fist under her chin or next to her cheek. (9/2)

I love this dress. Cousin Cathy bought this dress for her at the Mexican market in Guadalupe. (9/3)

Sleeping again. A recurring theme. (9/7)

Yeah, this is blurry but seriously, her eyes are open and her tongue is out. What more could you ask for? (9/8)

This is the face she normally makes when she isn't nursing. (9/14)

Flaring her nostrils and pursing her lips. I love that she is starting to make faces. (9/14)

More faces. She is starting to show expression on her face a little more. Maybe we'll have a real smile soon? (9/14)

Irene Annabella

2010-09-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

Warning - this post is LONG. It also contains TMI, but this is my blog and I want to remember as much as I can.

I have been trying to write this blog post for weeks, but having a newborn that wants to nurse all the time prevents me from having hands to type with, and getting mastitis (and now thrush) has kept me focused on things like healing. Plus, the baby's birth was so amazing, so intense, and so sacred, I am afraid of putting it into paltry words that will never do it justice. This is my attempt at documenting Irene Annabella's journey into this world.

I can't really say that my labor started at a certain time, because I feel like my laboring began long before consistent contractions began. I had been having contractions for a while, some even consistent enough and strong enough to make me think labor was beginning a week and a half before Irene arrived. On Sunday, August 15 I began having consistent contractions that I focused and breathed through, and these lasted for several hours. I even had Brianna check me to see if my cervix had changed at all - it had slightly, but nothing significant. Throughout all of the following days, I would have contractions that would come sporadically, or general tightening of my uterus, but nothing consistent or super strong.

Monday, August 23, Cathy and I went on a fantastic day trip to Globe, AZ (I will blog about that trip later). This trip included a 2 hour ride over a bumpy road. I was hopeful that this old wives' tale about bumpy roads inducing labor would work - but still no consistent contractions.

Tuesday, August 24, I actually had some "show." Cathy did a prenatal exam on me, including an internal exam. The last internal exam I had previously was on August 15, and at that time my cervix was 1.5 cm dilated, somewhat effaced but the baby's head wasn't really engaged. On August 24 I was dilated 3-4 cm and the baby's head was engaged. My cervix was ripe and it seemed like my body was getting ready to have the baby. About 4 that afternoon, I began having steady contractions but they weren't horrible. They felt the same as the contractions I had been having, and I would breathe through them and tried to visualize that they were opening my cervix.

One of the boys caught me gabbing with the neighbor. Here I am in early labor.

Beautiful rainbow in the cloudy sky - I love the monsoon storms.

That evening my mom came over and she played Rummikub with Cathy and I after the kids were in bed. I didn't tell anyone except Joe and Cathy that I was having contractions since these latest ones weren't any different than ones that I had had before. It was time to get Joe from school at 9:30, so I headed out into the mild monsoon storm to get him. I looked for the full moon that night, but it was obscured by the storm clouds. I decided to be grateful for the storm since I was told that storms and full moons bring babies. A double blessing.

Joe and I came home and the contractions were really still the same, just maybe a little bit stronger than earlier - I had to breathe through them and low-moan a little but they were still ok. Now don't get me wrong, they hurt some, but they were similar to the practice ones I had been having. I found the low moaning helped me through the contractions the most. Around 11:30 pm I texted family that I thought I was in early labor but that I wasn't 100% sure, so to just hang out until I called them. I didn't want to jinx anything, but I decided to wear my "labor clothes" just in case this was it. I had decided that when I labored, I wanted to wear a sports bra and a lava-lava (which is basically a short sarong). The lava-lava would come off for the birthing pool, but I would still have the sports bra for some modesty and support while laboring. I put on my labor clothes, but left my panties on with a pantyliner since I was still having show. I also wore a shirt because I didn't want to completely jinx it and end up just having a false start on labor again.

Joe got the birthing pool reinflated, then we set it outside the room until we were ready for it. It doesn't get filled with water till you are ready to get in it.

Cathy, Joe and I all needed to get some rest, so we all went to bed. Sort of. Cathy had emphasized that Joe especially needed sleep since she knew I was going to need him in a little while. Unfortunately, I was feeling "nesty" so I began dusting my room and trying to get my space ready. I changed the sheets on my bed. I got out my candles. I was just busy busy and made Joe crazy until he finally drifted off to sleep after my snaps of "No, I don't need help." I ran into Cathy in the night and she was doing laundry and listening to music. I was grouchy from my last minute nesting and I think I scared her. :-)

I came to bed and apologized to Joe, then we cuddled while I tried (unsuccessfully) to sleep. Around 2:30 am, Cathy did an internal exam on me and I was 5 cm open. I'll be honest, I was sleepy and a little irritated that I was only 5 cm, especially since labor was pretty quick with Ephraim and so I expected it to be faster with this baby. I texted family again and let them know that I was 5 cm but that it would still be awhile longer, so we would text them when it was time to come over. Cathy said I was doing great and she recommended we try to get more rest.

I was still working with the contractions, and for a little bit I had Joe rub my legs with each contraction, but that only lasted for a little while because we were both ultimately too tired. I slept off and on till about 4 or 4:30 am, still contracting but the contractions never seemed to get crazy. I would just breathe/moan and then be over it. The only change I noticed was the last few contractions I tried to sleep through - I woke up kind of shakey, but I figured that was because I didn't start breathing through them at the beginning because once I woke up in the contraction, I would breathe and moan and the shaking went away immediately. Again, they felt pretty much the same as before.

I went into Cathy's room to tell her how I was feeling and see if she wanted to do another exam. The beautiful thing about midwives is that they are very hands off and take their cues from you by how you are tolerating labor. They are so trained and experienced in observing labor, they can usually tell when you are in the different phases of labor. Cathy didn't see or hear much of a difference in me (neither did I) so she recommended that we talk again at 6 am and do an exam around that time. That would allow us time to figure out what to do with the kids and then we could look at getting the birthing pool up and light candles and things like that, provided I was getting far enough into labor.

For those of you unfamiliar with the stages and parts of labor, here is a little info. There are three stages of labor - stage 1, which is when you begin labor and includes all of active labor, stage 2 is when you are complete, you are pushing, and then have your baby, and stage 3 is after the baby is born and concludes when you deliver the placenta. At the end of stage 1 there is a phase called transition. Transition is the last few centimeters of dilation, right before you get ready for stage 2. This is where labor usually changes for women and is a good indicator that the time is getting near for the baby to come. I have read a lot of birth stories and you usually hear how women become nauseous, they shake and shiver, and the contractions become really strong and intense. I also have read how women go into "Laborland" where they aren't really as present outwardly because they have to turn inward to focus on the work they are doing.

I left Cathy's room and just kept up the same routine. I decided to take a bath, and i soaked in the tub for awhile, just breathing, moaning, and reading birth stories in Ina May Gaskin's book. I got out and Joe woke up, so we talked a little in between contractions. I really enjoyed the hands and knees position on my bed during each contraction. It felt the best to me. I also told Joe I wanted to get the diffuser with oil going, since I love aromatherapy and I thought it would be great to have it set up and ready to go (big thanks to my friend Shelley for letting me borrow her diffuser and oil). Joe asked if I wanted to listen to music, which of course I did, so he put Jack Johnson on. I had a contraction that seemed a little more intense than the others; instead of my usual regular nondescript moaning I remember moaning, "Joe, Joe, Joey" which is weird because I never call him Joey. The next contraction was not as bad. It was about 5:45/6:00 am.

We went and got Cathy to discuss what's next. She asked what we thought we wanted to do with the kids. We decided to have my mom come get them and take them to her house or to Cathy's house (sister Cathy) until after the baby was born. My contractions were still the same as earlier in intensity, and I was handling them fine. I didn't notice any real change, and I don't think Cathy did either. I was still talking and present in the situation. Cathy said we should call mom to get the boys, and we would do an exam at 7 instead - after the boys were gone.

Here my timeline gets fuzzy - someone called my mom sometime after 6, and Joe started to get the boys ready so Grandma could come get them. I was in the room, contracting and breathing. I used the restroom, and when I came out I had a contraction that I moaned through at the bathroom sink, and I was swaying my hips since that felt good, too. Cathy came over and put her hand on my sacrum and that counterpressure felt so good. I went back over and got on the bed so I could get on hands and knees again, since that felt the best.

Joe came back in and told me that the boys were getting ready. He was rubbing my back and I was moaning through a contraction, when for the first time I started to feel like it was really hurting. Then I felt something pop in my pelvis. I said to Joe "Something is happening! Get Cathy!!" It was somewhere around 6:40 am.

The pain became intense and I was trying to figure out what happened. I was trying to deduce what the pop could be. I thought "Could that have been my cervix?" And then I realized how ridiculous that would be - cervixes don't pop. Then I thought, "Was that something in my pelvis? Maybe my sacrum?" But the pelvis is made to expand and move during labor, not break. Finally it sunk in - my water must have broken.

Now, I had experienced labor before up to about 6 cm with Eli, then they broke my water and I got the epidural. When I labored with Ephraim, I got to about 7-8 cm dilated, at which point I got an epidural. When I got pregnant with this baby, I knew that the only way I could successfully avoid an epidural and have a natural birth is to stay out of the hospital - otherwise it is too easy for me to ask for pain relief when I am in that moment. I guess I am too weak to stay focused on what I want most, and when the hospital staff is offering pain relief like candy I sign up for it. When I was on the bed and feeling these more intense contractions, I honestly thought to myself "Why did I sign up for this? Why aren't I at the hospital where I can get an epidural?" Then I remembered "This is what you have been wanting since before Eli was born. You want to feel your body work. You want to feel your baby be born." I refocused and let my body guide me on what it needed to do.

If anyone is wondering what my body needed to do right then, it needed to stay on my hands and knees, still on my bed, and I needed to keep my head space because the contractions were so consuming. I wasn't aware of them in my uterus anymore - they were completely in my pelvis at this point. I felt everything on my cervix and in my hips, and it was this intense aching. I was now moaning more loudly (but not too loud yet).

Cathy had been on the phone with Gina (who got to hear my moaning all the way in California). She came in the room and I told her that my water had broken. She quickly grabbed a chux pad and the birthing stool and tried to get me off the bed and then examine me, but as soon as I started to get off the bed the amniotic fluid came out, so she tried to just position me over the chux pad directly on the floor next to the bed. Cathy asked Joe what was going on with the boys. He told her they were still getting ready and mom wasn't there yet. We both told him to get the boys out now, even if they weren't ready. Cathy told him to take the kids over to the neighbor's house.

Joe left the room to get the boys out of the house. I was kneeling on the floor of my bedroom with my arms on the bed and the contractions were coming so strong I couldn't do anything about breathing or moaning through them. I was so afraid of what I was feeling because I had never experienced these sensations before. I wasn't even sure how far dilated I was or what was going to come next. Everything had been so smooth and not too hard, and all of a sudden everything got intense really fast. I also got concerned that this might actually be it, and no one from the family was at the house yet, we didn't have a chance to call the other midwife, my candles weren't lit, the pool was empty in the other room, and I felt unprepared after all of these months I had spent preparing. I was overwhelmed and frightened, but mostly I was afraid of the intensity of what I was feeling from these strong contractions. When I got a break from a contraction, I told Cathy "I'm scared." She told me that it was scary, but that I was doing great. I love Cathy, really truly love her, and I trust her completely. Hearing her tell me something so simple as "It IS scary" validated my feelings, and when she told me I was doing great I really believed her and it helped me to realize that my body was doing exactly what it needed to do, whether or not the pool was set up or if anyone else was there. At that moment I felt like I gave my body permission to be/do whatever it needed to.

The next thing I know I had to bear down and push. Again, I am on my knees on the floor, with just a chux pad underneath me. I also realize at this time that I am still wearing panties - everything happened so fast I couldn't get undressed. Unfortunately, I had no ability to vocalize this to anyone because my voice was being used to push the baby. The loudest, most primal moans were coming out of me and it seemed that my voice and my uterus were operating from the same place. I felt like my pelvis was expanding and Cathy, who was applying counterpressure to my sacrum, told me she could feel the baby right underneath her hand.

Cathy placed chux pads and towels on the bed and had me move up to the bed. I have no idea how I did it, but I ended up on hands and knees on the bed, then I held onto the headboard and pushed again with the next contraction. Cathy moved my lava -lava up and saw that I was wearing panties. Obviously it is a problem delivering a baby with panties on, but I had absolutely no way of removing them. I told Cathy to cut them off. Sometime in here my mom showed up. She arrived around 6:45/6:50 (Joe was getting shoes on the boys and taking them next door). Cathy had my mom apply the counter pressure on my sacrum and thankfully Cathy found scissors quickly.

Joe arrived back home and got on the bed next to me. I pushed on another contraction and I felt some burning/tingling. Later I realized that this was probably that "ring of fire" I had heard about, but whenever I had heard it described it seemed so painful and intense. This was painful, but absolutely nothing compared to the contractions and pelvic pain I was experiencing. Who could be bothered by some burning when it feels like your entire pelvis is coming apart?

At the end of a contraction I felt Cathy's hands below me - remember I have not had an internal exam since I was 5 cm dilated, and in my head I am not 100% sure that I am actually pushing this baby out. For some silly reason I thought Cathy was going to try and check me. I said "Don't!" but what I meant was I didn't want her to check me right then, and in my mind I was thinking she could check me when I got a break in between contractions. Cathy told me my baby's head was right there, coming out of me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had been pushing for about 5-10 minutes.

I pushed again and I felt the baby sliding out. Cathy told me that my baby was out, and in a split second I realized the intense pain I had felt was gone. I quickly reached down between my legs and picked my baby up off the towel on the bed and held her to me. I flipped over and reclined back on my pillow, marveling at my baby. She was so beautiful and her head was perfectly round - I couldn't believe she was out! I also marveled that all of the pain I had felt was just gone, replaced by euphoria and bliss at my perfect, happy little angel. It was 6:57 am.

She pooped in the towel and it got everywhere. And being on cloud nine, I didn't care.

Joe and I examining the baby in absolute wonder at what just occurred.

I am so in love with both of these people.

Cathy left the cord alone so it could finish it's job giving it's last bits of nutrition, oxygen, and life to my baby. I am so glad that she ended up leaving the baby connected to the placenta for about an hour.

Sadly, my cameramen are 7 and 9 years old, so this is the only picture I got of Joe cutting the cord.

Joe called his family right after she was born and announced the baby's birth, and he went next door to get the boys so they could meet their little sister. The neighbor was shocked that they were only at her house for 9 minutes. Joe came back and got back on the bed with me, both of us in awe at the baby. The boys were happy to meet their sister, and a little disturbed at the blood they could see from me (I had a chux pad underneath me and was covered with a towel, but they could still see it). They had a lot of questions, mostly wondering why I didn't use the birthing pool and Eli was wondering why he couldn't be here during the birth. We explained to them that things just happened too fast for the birthing pool, the blood was normal, and that they couldn't be here during the birth because I was making entirely too much noise and I was afraid they would be scared.

Speaking of me making noise... I noticed I was completely hoarse for the entire day from the noises I made during the birth. I wasn't screaming like a horror flick, but I used this amazing vocal energy to push the baby out. I have no idea where those sounds came from, but I am grateful for them because they seemed to be the manifestation of my cervix opening and my uterus and birth canal pushing out this magnificent little miracle.

Family started showing up shortly after 7 am. Joe and I sat on the bed with the baby. marveling at her and what we had just experienced. Cathy was busy taking care of us so quietly that we didn't even realize what she was doing. We bonded with the baby while listening to family in the living room, talking, sharing, cooking, cleaning. I felt so at peace, knowing I was surrounded by so many people that love me at this sacred moment in my life.

The time came for the newborn assessment, and this is one of the awesome things about birthing at home - my baby was assessed right on my bed, with everyone being a part of it.

Cathy showing Annabelle how to fill out the newborn assessment paperwork - Annabelle was her scribe while Cathy performed the assessment.

Cathy checking out the baby.

Weighing the baby.

Cathy cleaning her off. My mom has a weird thing about giving her grandbabies their first bath, and when I asked her if she wanted to give the baby her first true cleaning (wiping off the amniotic fluid, vernix, blood, poop) she said no way.

Eli helping out.

One happy mama, and one beautiful baby. She is ready to meet the world now.

Joe had to go show off the baby to everyone in the living room!

Proud big brothers.

My mom, Irene, and Joe's mom, Annabelle, were out in the kitchen and Joe asked them if they could please come in the room for a minute. They came in and we told them that they both mean a lot to us, so we were naming our daughter Irene Annabella after them (Annabelle's real name is Annabella). They were both surprised but happy. Joe and I are pleased to give her a name honoring the women that mean so much and have shaped our lives. I hope Irene grows up feeling connected to the wonderful, strong lineage of women that she is descended from.

Irene with Grandma Irene

Irene with Grandma Annabelle

After the baby and I were assessed, I was showered, and the sheets were changed, Cathy instructed Joe and I took take a nap with the baby. We eagerly agreed, and we laid back on the bed snuggling our newborn and basking in the afterglow of her birth.

Happy parents.

Irene Annabella, born August 25, 2010. 7 lbs, 9 oz and 20 inches long.

An unwelcome visitor

2010-09-06T16:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Mastitis,

I have heard a lot of things about you and never wanted to meet you. I nursed two boys and managed to avoid you that whole time. Now I have a new baby girl and you decide to show up? It's not right.

I tried to do all the things the pros tell me to do. I feed her on demand, and let her drain my breasts. I keep engorgement down. I massage my breasts in the warm shower. I nurse in multiple positions and drink a ton of water.

I think you decided to come because I was wearing sports bras instead of nursing bras. I will be shopping for nursing bras as soon as I get rid of you.

The worst part of your visit is that you came with your friends the chills, the body aches, fatigue, and headaches. As if I don't have enough to do, having three kids, then to host you and your riff raff.

The doctor at the urgent care acted like I invited you to come hang out at my house. She couldn't know how much I despise you, how you kept me up for hours last night, how you have had me laid out on my bed almost all weekend. She isn't aware how, after my warm bath this morning, you tried to get me to pass out in the bathroom. She did give me a prescription for an antibiotic, so I forgive her for her not-so-nice bedside manner.

I am so grateful that your friends have mostly left. I am waiting for you to be gone. I am working on all of the things I was told to do to get rid of you once you arrived. I am also taking a probiotic to keep your cousin, thrush from visiting me. I don't have the time or energy for visitors, especially ones like you.

I will be grateful once you are gone. Until then, I am in bed with my babe, trying to get rid of you. Please don't extend your stay.

Sincerely,
Diane

I've been busy

2010-09-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, I had the baby (wooohoooo!) and I am working on a blog post of her birth story. In the meantime, I thought I would post this awesome video about what I have been busy doing for the last week.

Midwives are awesome - due dates, not so much

2010-08-19T21:23:00.001-07:00

Today I went with my midwife Cathy to visit my other midwife, I'll call her R. For those of you that don't know, some midwives attend home births, some attend birth center births, and some attend hospital births. I am sure there are some that also attend a combination of those, but most of the ones I know only attend births in one type of location. Cathy attends home births, and she is the one that will be catching my baby. R only attends hospital births. She is the one that works for my back-up OB, and is the one that I have been seeing here in AZ before Cathy came into town.

I had this fantasy in my head that I would love for Cathy and R to meet each other. I didn't ever voice this, because I didn't know how that scenario would play out. But when you are working with two women that are caring and open and awesome, then there should be no reason to fear. I still never said anything about this idea, but one day Cathy and I were on the phone and she mentioned that she would love to meet R. I got so excited, and at my next appointment with R I asked how she would feel about meeting Cathy. Of course, R said that would be wonderful. Today it finally worked out that they were able to meet each other and it was seriously a dream come true. I have so much trust in both of these women, which means the world when you are on such a beautiful journey with them.

Before the visit, Cathy had said she wanted to look at the results of my 19-week ultrasound that was done with my previous OB (the one that I left immediately after the ultrasound). We asked R if they had a copy of it, and thankfully it had been sent over from the other OB and was in my chart. On the ultrasound, the tech had written that the baby was measuring about a week younger than the due date based on my cycle. The old OB said he wasn't going to change the date though.

R and Cathy asked if I had had any other ultrasounds. I told them I had one early on in the first trimester when I had a scare and went to the ER. They asked if the old OB ever reviewed that ultrasound with me, and I told them no. R went looking through my chart, and sure enough the results from January were in there too. The ultrasound showed the baby was over a week younger than my cycle predicted. I was so shocked that the old OB didn't bother to look at that when the second ultrasound was off. But then again, that was the time when I mentioned the words "home birth" to the old OB and he washed his hands of me right away. The new OB had trusted the old OBs due date.

So here we are, thinking I am almost a week overdue and really the baby is right on time. Cathy loves the moon, so we are changing my due date to Tuesday, August 24. That is the night of the full moon.

I am so grateful for midwives that don't rush to medically induce labor, that allow the baby to grow at her own pace. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father, who has provided inspiration to them and comfort to Joe and I, to know that this baby is safe and coming at the right time. I am so glad that Cathy likes going over the history "with a fine-tooth comb" when the baby is overdue, just to make sure that the baby really is overdue.

R mentioned during my appointment that she has never seen a home birth and would love to be able to watch one. I asked her if she wanted to come to mine as a friend, not as a practitioner (I know her malpractice insurance would drop her in an instant if she participated at all). She said she would love to make it if she is able to. I asked Cathy how she felt about it, and she was completely fine with having R there too. These two women are truly amazing, and I am lucky to have wonderful people supporting me.

Playing blog catch up part 1

2010-08-16T15:40:00.001-07:00

First of all, No, I have not had the baby yet. Yes, her due date is past but I am completely at peace with her making her way out here in her time.

Second, I have completely slacked on blogging (I wonder why?) so I am gonna try and play catch up for the next few days.

I want to remember baby celebrations, and on Friday the 6th some of my girlfriends from my old ward met me at BJ's for lunch. Shari, Anne, Lori, and Traci were all there, and it was wonderful eating and celebrating the baby. They brought some really cute gifts for her (and no, I have not written out a single thank you card because I suck) and it was so great reconnecting with old friends.

Isn't it amazing when you get together with friends you haven't seen in a while and things just click again, like you just saw them last week? I love that.

I have lots of other blog posts I need to catch up on - so hopefully I can get them documented soon. For now I am going to get kids' homework assignments done (I hate being a taskmaster) and then a nap. But possibly not in that order.

Thoughts at 4 am

2010-08-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

I was in those sleepless hours, where I have gotten up to pee (again) and can't yet fall back asleep, and I kept having one thought going through my head:

My midwives are coming tomorrow!

They are coming, they are coming, they are coming!

That is what I thought before finally drifting back to sleep. In my head, I sounded like a little girl excited for Christmas the next day.

I have known that this babe wasn't going to come early. I have known it deep in my soul. But without the midwives here I have been nervous just because babies sometimes make their own timing. I will be more at peace tomorrow.

They are coming!

Almost there

2010-08-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

Today I am technically 11 days from meeting my daughter. I don't really put much stock in due dates though. I still think she will come a little after the 13th. I think maybe around the 18th. But who knows.

I visited the nurse-midwife today. I have still been requesting no internal exams, so I don't know if I am dilated or effacing or what baby's position is. And that is okay with me. Knowing that I am walking around dilated 2 cm (or not dilated at all) doesn't do anything to help the baby come sooner or later - all it does it set me up to expect things to move on a time schedule that is completely unknown and only set by this babe. I am grateful to not be pressured by that knowledge.

I told the midwife that I can feel that things are moving though. I have felt a lot of pressure lately, pressure a lot lower than before. I feel like her head is engaging and my pelvic bones are widening and slipping. The midwife did a quick ultrasound and when she saw the baby's head, she said, "You weren't lying - her head is really low." Then we were able to see her profile and I am amazed (and a little worried) that she still looks like an alien. I hope she looks more human and less humanoid when we do finally meet.

There was some bad news at the office. My blood pressure was high. The first reading was high (not sure of the number) so the assistant checked it on the other arm. This second reading was 160/98. Not good. They had me give them a urine sample and checked for protein in my urine - thankfully that was negative. The midwife came in and rechecked my blood pressure again. I guess my prayers and breathing worked a little, because it came down to 140/92. Still high though. The midwife asked if they could check my liver enzymes, and I said that was okay with me. She just wants to make sure I am not heading toward toxemia. I don't think I am, especially since this happened to me before and it has happened to my sisters also. Our bodies just seem to get tired towards the end, and our blood pressure gets high but that is it.

I spoke with Cathy, my cousin midwife, and I will be focusing on eating a lot of protein, calcium and magnesium while drinking even more water to hopefully help bring my blood pressure down. The bad part to this is that I have to get off my feet and rest. There goes my last minute nesting plans. I was at least able to wash most of the baby's clothes last week, but I really need to get organized. I also wish I was able to be back at mom's helping out while she recovers from knee surgery. I guess this is good preparation for letting go of things after I have the baby.

I hate baby showers. But I LOVE going to lunch.

2010-07-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people think it's weird, but I do not like baby showers. There are a lot of reasons why I don't like them, but here are just a few:

* I do not like playing games that guess what is in the poop, not crossing my legs, how ginormous my belly is, etc.
* It is a lot of hassle and expense to host a shower.
* It is a lot of clean up.
* I have to be the center of attention.
* I feel like I am on display while people watch me open gifts that I feel guilty for them buying for me in the first place.
* My biggest fear - what happens if no one shows up?

I also am horrible about sending thank you cards. Any of you reading this will know that, since you more than likely have never received one from me for anything. It's not that I am not thankful or appreciative - it is just that I never send them and then I feel guilty for months afterward. Possibly for years. It would be much easier on my guilty conscience to just send them, but I still don't. I worry about the cards I pick. I worry about what to write in them. I find that I get busy and the thank yous get put on the back burner. Then I actually get them all written and addressed and ready to send off, and I start to worry that it has been too long and people will be upset that they are now receiving a thank you card for a gift they got me a month or two ago, and isn't that quite an ungrateful slap in the face to them?

My neuroses don't ever stop.

My husband and my in-laws think I am crazy. (Honestly, they are pretty much spot on, but that is beside the point.) I was asked about just going to lunch then instead of having a shower, and I jumped on that idea. I love eating, and I love spending time with girlfriends. My sisters and mom had already taken me out for pedis and a lunch to celebrate this babe coming, but I hadn't celebrated with my in-laws or friends yet. My sister-in-law Victoria asked some girlfriends if they wanted to get together at Sweet Tomatoes last weekend, and surprisingly they all came!

It ended up being my mother-in-law, sis-in-laws Victoria, Athena, and Danya, and girlfriends Christine, Kathy, Cori, Allyson, and Debra. The best part of the day? Just hanging out and enjoying a delicious meal. The worst part? Opening gifts in front of everyone. I was grateful to receive cute baby things, but it was so embarassing to open presents in front of everyone. I was sweating like crazy (or as my dad says, sweating like a prostitute in church). It was gross, but thankfully it stopped when I stopped opening gifts.

I am grateful for people that care about me and this little girl coming. I am blessed that they still love me in spite of my craziness. And I hope they will still love me, even when they don't receive a thank you card.

VBACs

2010-07-24T23:25:00.001-07:00

If anyone cares, the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology has changed and refined their position on vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC). They are officially more supportive of it now and I am so happy for women that are in/may one day be in this situation (remember this post?).

Here is a link to a breakdown of what this means for women that have had one or two c-sections already. Good job, ACOG!

Overwhelmed and Tired - be prepared for whining

2010-07-21T00:12:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling lately. I am coming to the end of summer school - Thursday is my final - and everything seems to be compounding. I am hot. Miserably. I can't get away from the heat when I actually have to go places. Who wants to be out driving in this miserable 110* heat? Much less being 9 months pregnant. My air in the car works okay until about 10:30 am, and then it just blows semi-cool air. Ugh.

Did I mention being pregnant? Oh yeah, I just did. Wait, I mention it all the time. I am sure that all of you are tired of hearing me complain, but I am tired. This pregnancy I feel way better than I ever felt with the other 2 pregnancies, but that doesn't mean I am not utterly exhausted and need some serious sleep. Sleep that is elusive with school.

When I am so tired, so sleep-deprived, so exhausted, my patience and my emotions get raw. I am not a nice mom or wife when I feel this way.

I have a wonderful husband that tries to support me as much as possible, and two children that have been folding laundry, vacuuming daily, and helping out a lot. And yet I am still short on patience with them.

One of the boys left the refrigerator in the garage slightly open, so Sunday we had to toss 2 containers of soy milk and 2 containers of orange juice, Then Monday, Ephraim was helping load groceries and dropped the 18-count carton of eggs - cracking 13 of them. I put myself in a 5 minute time out Sunday over the refrigerator thing, but then made the kids add up the cost of the lost food and we discussed what fun thing we could have done with that money instead of wasting it. Monday I handled it better, but still. Does it matter in the big scheme?

Of course not. But that didn't mean it wasn't a big deal to me at the time. Monday evening (after the egg thing), children were still ignoring me and back-talking. I was still tired. I was sweaty. I was raw and edgy. I was being rude and mean and put myself into an hour time out while I showered and tried to find my ability to be kind. This left my kind husband to parent the boys, and I know his patience - although much greater than mine - was wearing thin.

Today I tried to make it a better day. I had grand plans of being a kind and coherent wife and mom; one that didn't get upset over nothing, one that was happy and caring and attentive. One that gets her happy kids fed and in bed on time, and focuses on her husband with a leg rub and kind words.

Instead I fell asleep around 6 pm and kind husband parented the kids again. He came to bed at 10:30, and my eyes popped open as I felt that panic of "Where did the night go? What am I doing? Why am I ignoring my family?"

I ate a bowl of cereal for dinner and read one of my favorite blogs, where I found this video. I needed this. I needed to know that angels are here, helping me. The biggest angel around me is my husband, and other angels are my sisters, my mom, my in-laws. There are other angels too, ones that I cannot see and Heaven sends them when I need it most.

I am sorry this blog post is so long and whiny, but I needed to let go of some of this. I need to remind myself that it is not forever. When Joe came to bed, we sat and talked for a little while about how his night went. I forget that other people in this house are tired and hot, too. I forget how bored the kids are that they can't go outside and play until it is almost bedtime. I forget that they need mom-interaction, and that they haven't really been getting it. My being here isn't the same as my attention. I forget that Joe gets stressed out, too, and that he gets tired and that his legs hurt more than I can imagine. Just to clarify, he never mentioned any of this in our talk tonight. I just had some rest and found a little bit of clarity, enough to get some insight into my family's needs.

I cannot wait until summer school is over. I don't think I am going to be seen outside of my home until October. I want to have time to enjoy my family of four before it turns into a family of five. I want to play with the kids, get some rest, hug my husband tighter, and maybe nest a little. I want to spend hours doing nothing at all with them, and I don't want to leave my house. I want to find balance and happiness again, so when these well-meaning boys accidentally drop eggs or leave the fridge open, it is not a lesson in economics as much as it is a lesson in patience and forgiveness and love.

We are too smart for our own good

2010-07-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

I came across this video on youtube. Apparently John Hopkins University is using a pregnant robot to teach OB/GYN patients. It is amazing how far we have deviated from normal and natural childbirth, and are even training our future doctors on robots. It is no wonder so many doctors try to intervene and "manage" every aspect of labor and delivery. =(

News

2010-07-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

So Joe and I have been talking about names and although we haven't decided on any, we actually have a few that we agree on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Exciting!

Quick post

2010-07-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow makes 35 weeks, and I love feeling this baby girl dancing in my tummy. She is so small still, growing and stretching.

But sometimes, it really hurts.

This little piggy went to the market

2010-07-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a wonderful day. My sisters and my mom and I met up for pedicures and lunch to celebrate this wee one coming. My fat little pregnancy piggies desperately needed some TLC, and I love getting bright colors professionally painted on my toes (professionally being the key word, since I can't paint my toenails without ending up with a ton of painted skin).

It was so fun having everyone there - even Miss Kyla (and her friend Maren) came. I am pretty sure they don't ever want to hang out around me or my mouth again, but that's how it goes.

We ate at Costa Vida, and my sweet family surprised me with some baby gifts. Totally unnecessary, as just having them there was plenty. BUT it was very appreciated (and needed) and I am constantly amazed at how thoughtful they are.

Right before bed that night I got a call from my mom asking if I wanted to go see Eclipse again. I certainly did want to! So we caught the 11:20 pm show with Jack, Heather, Kristin, and TIM, and I realized: being pregnant and catching a late show without a nap is not such a good idea. I was exhausted and didn't enjoy the movie as much as if I had been more alert. However, it was such a good movie that I would have done it again anyway.

Side note - Bella and Edward's wedding date is the same as my baby's due date. Destiny. I'm just saying.

Finally posting. And it isn't pretty.

2010-07-03T18:35:00.001-07:00

I was chastised by Vicky for not posting to my blog. Here's the deal - I have been so busy with school that I haven't had much time to post. Seriously, this chemistry class is kicking my butt. I have homework every night, 2 lecture quizzes a week, 1-2 lab quizzes a week, 2 labs due every week, 1 exam every other week. It is exhausting. I have 3 weeks left and some days I want to cry from being so tired. I went from pre-summer school where I was sleeping when I felt like my body needed it, to now sleeping about 5 hours a night during the week, with a weekend sleepfest to recuperate. I hate it.

Enough whining. I love Fridays (since school is Mon-Thurs) and yesterday was awesome. It started with Cathy giving me her summer movie fun tickets for Friday morning. Yes, the boys had already seen Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, but the whole fun about it was going to the theaters to watch it. We really appreciated the excursion!

I have had some horrible leg cramps this last week. Wednesday night was the worst. My calf was cramped up so bad that I couldn't straighten out my leg or my foot. When it finally stopped, I had the worst pain in my leg that lasted all through Thursday and Friday. Friday after the movie, I called Mom while I was driving home to see if she had any epsom salts that I could have. I was so grateful when she said she did. The salts didn't help, but at least I took a relaxing bath.

Speaking of the bath, I am so grateful for a husband that keeps my bathrooms clean so I can have a clean tub to bathe in. And did I mention he keeps rubbing my legs and feet to try and soothe the pain?

Dinner time rolled around and I asked Joe if he wanted leftover pasta or sandwiches. He didn't care, and Ephraim was trying to convince me to make sandwiches. I asked Ephraim if he wanted to make dinner for everyone, and he said yes. I relaxed on the couch (with hubby giving me the said leg/foot rub) while Ephraim made turkey sandwiches with a side of pineapple and tortilla chips for the family. He was so excited to get to dessert, and I couldn't figure out what he had planned. Finally, when we were all done eating, he brought out spoons for each person and a tub of chocolate chunk cookie dough. That boy is just like his mama.

After dinner we pulled out a movie I had gotten from Netflix - The Beatles Help! I hadn't seen it since I was in high school (many many many years ago) and it was so fun to watch it with my family. "How do we know you're not just as filthy, and sent by him to nick the ring by being filthy when you've lulled us with your filthy Eastern ways?" It was awesome.

After the movie I was exhausted (I must have been ready for my sleepfest) so I asked the boys to play a wonderful game that was created by my sister-in-law Heather's mom. It is called funeral home. In case you aren't familiar with it, it's where the mother lies down with her eyes closed (this part is key, because it allows mom to sleep) and the kids pretend they are preparing her for her casket. They are to do her hair and her make-up for the viewing. I gave my boys some old eyeshadow and some brushes and allowed them to put it on me however they chose to. Apparently they decided that all over my face was much better than just doing my eyes. I didn't care - all I know is I woke up and they were gone, and this is what was left.

Joe says I look like a bag lady. Or a hobo, as iCarly has so kindly brought in as a fashionable term among the under 10 set.

I cleaned off my face and went to sleep, and didn't have a single leg cramp all night. Fridays are definitely my favorite.

Father's Day is on Sunday

2010-06-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the morning radio show and they were doing a spot about dad-isms. They had listeners call in with lines that their dads always say. My dad has a ton, but now my mind is like a sieve and I can't think of that many. Here's a crack at a few of the things that my dad says a lot:

* (mock toast) May your children be born bald, naked, and can't speak a word of English.
* I hate Mexicans and their food. (This was always in response to him being offered Mexican food that he didn't want; and yes, it was being offered by his Mexican wife and/or half-breed kids.)
* Wot? You again?
* It's a good thing you are here; otherwise your mom would be chasing me around the house.
* (to my husband) Hey Joe, what do you know?
* I feel like I have been rode hard and put away wet.
* I need some Vitamin S.
* (while eating, and on a very regular basis) Mmmm this is so good! This is the best (fill in the blank) I have ever eaten.
* Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.
* I only wanted one kid when I married your mom.
* Don't tell your momma, but I voted for Obama.

(Okay maybe he didn't say that last one, but Joe and I laughed imagining it.)

Dad, please do not stop saying these things. They are very you, and I just wanted to document how weird you are.

So... I want to hear what everyone's dad-isms are. And sisters, I know I forgot a ton of Dad's - my mind is a little chaotic right now, so if you wouldn't mind adding to this list I would love it.

Happy Father's Day!

As we are coming up on Pioneer Day...

2010-06-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

...am I seriously the only Mormon that thinks the LDS fascination with dressing up as pioneers and reenacting things is weird?

QUIET

2010-06-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

Today is a busy day. After I got out of school, I had to go by Cathy's house and pick up the kids. Then I had to come home and take care of the dogs, and next I will be off to get Joe from work, then we need to see academic counselors at the college today. The boys didn't want to come along on errands, but I told them too bad.

While I was at Cathy's, she offered to let the boys stay at her house. What? They were thrilled of course, and I am now at home getting ready to leave. I have a few minutes, so I am sitting here.

Alone.

In my quiet house.

I almost feel guilty that she is watching my kids while I am blogging. Almost. But not quite.

What a lucky girl I am to have such a nice sister.

June '10 Random

2010-06-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

* Summer school started last week. It is 8 weeks of chemistry, and thankfully Mom and Cathy are helping me out with the kids. I was super scared at first, because my instructor told us all how much time this class will require. He's right - I have homework that has to be done every night, but I think the class is going to be okay. I hope.

* I really want to blog about the great trip to Utah we took a couple weeks ago, but I haven't had the time/inspiration/patience. So just in case I don't blog about it, I had a great time but just wish it was a longer trip. I was exhausted at the pace. One day we will go and spend more time. Hopefully before the kids are out of high school.

* My friend Rachel moved to Hawaii, and a couple months ago she "acquired" a tiny chihuahua from her sister (let's be real - she stole her from her sister). It takes a really long time to get your dog vaccinated and tested before bringing them over to Hawaii (unless you want to put them in a 120-day quarantine on the island, which btw would cost $1080). If you really want to read the requirements, you can find them here. Anyway, she had already done all the work for her other dog, but the chihuahua hasn't had anything done yet. She wasn't sure what to do, so Joe and I are taking care of the dog for basically a year, until Rachel can get everything done to bring her over. Someday I will post pics of Little Foot, and maybe even pictures of Melody, too.

* I really like Report Night. We went again last Friday and it was fun, in an incredibly dorky way. Awesome.

* Today I was thinking about how I am having a baby soon, and my thoughts turned to shaving. Am I the only woman here that wonders if I should landscape before the birth? Or if I am even capable of trimming there without pulling a muscle?

* Last night my niece Rachel came over for dinner and FHE. Afterward we built a small fire on the ground in our backyard and made s'mores. It was fun, but now I have to figure out what to do with all of the ashes. I didn't really think that through very well.

* We bought Alice in Wonderland last week and the kids have watched it 4 times since Friday. Mom tried to watch it and fell asleep, which means she missed the Mad Hatter doing the Futterwacken. That is sad because it is my favorite part of the movie. Ephraim has watched it over and over so I am hoping he starts doing it one day (it would be a great addition to his robot and his George Jefferson shuffle).

Truth in Blogging

2010-06-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about my blog a lot lately (it's hard to tell, since I haven't really been posting). I have had posting block because there is so much to post that I can't get it out of my head and onto the computer. And then there is the guilt over what I last posted.

I use to love watching E! True Hollywood Story. In case you are Amish and haven't watched a television ever, THS is basically the "behind the scenes" of different stars, shows, etc. They tell all the dirty-dirty that the general public didn't know.

Reading my last blog post, I feel it is necessary to have a D! True Mommyhood Story on how the night of Eli's Wolf really went down (just in case you start thinking I am a good mom or that my kids are decently behaved).

Eli's pack meeting was at 5:45, and I really didn't want to make dinner that night. Nothing was thawed, I needed to go to the store, and I just gave up on dinner. I made the executive mommy decision that it was a night for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Well, the kids hate jelly, so they would just get peanut butter sandwiches.

While I was getting everyone ready for scouts and making that mouth-watering dinner, Ephraim started throwing a fit. It started off as one thing (I can't even remember now), but ended up being anger at the dinner I was making. He was in his room in time out from his screaming and yelling, and the amount of time kept extending because of his sass-mouth.

I gave the boys their dinner (Ephraim was still in his room) and I told them if they didn't want to eat, that was their choice but if they didn't eat they would not get anything else for the rest of the night. That included the treat at pack meeting.

Keep in mind that this is all about peanut butter sandwiches. I wasn't giving them maggots on moldy bread.

I walked into Ephraim's room about 10 minutes later to tell him it was time to go, and he had picked apart his sandwich and was just playing with it. I told him he made his choice. He started flipping out again, telling me that he hated the bread. I told him I didn't care, he made his choice and now it was time to go.

We got to scouts and Ephraim pouted the whole time. That didn't matter to me, as long as he didn't cause a scene. Then he decided to bend his glasses just because he was angry. He bent the junk out of them. I took his glasses away to protect them from Ephraim's maniacal tantrum.

Gratefully, the ceremony was winding down. Being mom of the year, I left my camera at home so I used my cell phone and stood in front of everyone to try and get some pictures of Eli wolfing it. You guys all saw how crappy they came out, but at least I had some kind of pics.

After the meeting, the snack for the kids was a popsicle. Oh my Ephraim lost his mind. "You guys don't care about me." "You only love ELI!" "Eli gets EVERYTHING - the WOLF, a POPSICLE!!!!"

He was in time out for the rest of the night (it was 7 by the time we got home anyway).

And when I put on my pajamas right after we got home, I noticed I had a huge rip up the butt of my pants. Do you remember the part about me standing in front of everyone to take crappy pictures? Yeah, it's a charmed life.

Eli got his Wolf

2010-05-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

Eli finally got his wolf. Thank goodness for a leader that gave him an extra 2 weeks - basically until the next pack meeting. He barely pulled it off, but he did it. Here he is, getting ready to "wolf it" in order to get his award.

Apparently they put the award into a plastic bag, then cover it with a twinkie and whipped cream. The boys have to use only their face to get to it.

And a blurry shot of Eli after he wolfed it.

You would think I would start remembering to bring my old camera along with me to things like this. Instead I almost always forget, and I end up taking pics with my phone. Thank goodness for cell phones.

Anyway, my favorite part of Eli getting his Wolf was the chore chart and the hygiene chart. He didn't need coercion to go to bed on time, take a shower, bathe the dog, pick up dog poop, etc. I would just have to remind him that he wouldn't get his Wolf if he couldn't check off his chart, and magically the whining would stop and he would take care of business. It was weird, seeing Eli get all responsible and mature. I loved it.

I am very proud of him and how much he tries to do the right thing. He is turning into a good kid.

Banking. Ugh.

2010-05-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

I rarely use my Chase account, and I really only keep it because it was my old account from Wamu and Chase still honors the awesome benefits that Wamu used to give me - like no direct deposit requirements (helpful since I don't have a job), no minimum balances, free checks, free cashier's checks and money orders, free notary services, etc. Not to mention there are Chase banks almost everywhere, so it is convenient. But again, I use that account about two or three times a month, and I have like 20 bucks in it.

On Friday I needed to cash a check. It was small - $300 - and was drawn on Wells Fargo (it is a financial aid check for summer session). I took it to Chase because it is close to my house. I sat in the drive thru, waiting for so long my car started to over heat, while the bank manager tried to decide if they would cash it for me. Finally they determined that they wouldn't because I don't currently have $300 on deposit at Chase. But they would gladly deposit that check for me and give me a little cash back if I wanted.

I was so angry at their stupid policy, so I told her to just give me my check back. I (really maturely) peeled out of the drive thru, fuming at stupid Chase. I took my check to our other bank and everything was fine, but still. I can't stand Chase and the way they treat their customers. I remember how angry I was a few years ago that they were the stupid bank that was buying Wamu's accounts. I still want to punch them in their corporate faces.

I finally calmed down later, but not after fantasizing the ways I wanted to seek revenge. I think I need to spend more time plotting good revenges, because the only legal thing I could come up with was filling their lobby trash cans with stinky poopy diapers. I wish my mind was more devious. And no, of course I would never exact my revenge, but I do get satisfaction from imagining unlikely scenarios like Zach Braff used to on Scrubs.

Asthma

2010-05-18T04:17:00.001-07:00

I wake up at 3:30 am to knocking on my bedroom door. Bleary-eyed and wishing I was still asleep, I open the door to find my 7 year old gasping for air. My heart stops for a minute, realizing that asthma is again visiting my youngest child, but we have a nebulizer so everything will be okay.

I hate asthma.

Every parent that has a child with asthma hates it. It steals air from your child. Like a fish out of the water. It reminds me of that old King song. Nothing is scarier than watching your child not being able to breathe.

I frantically get all of the pieces set up. By 3:41 his breathing treatment is over and he can breathe now. Mostly.

I set him up with Jake Long on Netflix. I love Netflix, but not as much as I hate asthma.

I lay back down in my bed, curl up next to my husband, and try to sleep. Sleep ebbs, the thoughts flow.

I took him to the doctor yesterday. Poor Ephraim. Everytime his allergies act up, or he comes in contact with a virus, he gets asthma, and croup, and a bad eczema flare up. The doctor told us it is allergies right now. I don't really care what it is - either way, the end result is the same. My son can't breathe. And he itches. And he sounds like a seal when he coughs.

Everytime.

In a way I am glad that it is not a virus, because we are going to visit family and we will have to cancel if he is sick-sick. Allergy-sick, well, that is not as bad and in fact leaving this dust/pollen bowl might be just what he needs.

But we won't be able to go anywhere if he can't get it under control.

Then the baby gets her first hiccups. I feel twitching on my right, and swift kicks on my left. I don't know if she is kicking because she hates the way the hiccups feel, or if her whole body is just spasming.

I get back up and join Ephraim and Jake Long. I need to purge some of these thoughts so sleep can return.

But now I am not sure if the purging is helping. It is raising more fears. Maybe it's because I can still hear Ephraim's struggle for air. I wish this asthma would go away. I wish my son could breathe.

Dancing girls - a pedofile's dream

2010-05-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

I am sure most of you have already seen this, but in case you haven't, these girls have been causing quite a controversy. They are 7- and 8-year olds and are performing at a dance competition called World of Dance.

Some people say the dance is fine - they are highly skilled young girls and are just showing off their precision and training. Others say the dance is inappropriate and the costumes are straight up lingerie for whores. Oh wait, that is what I said. They said something kinder, like their clothing is not "age appropriate" or something like that.

There are so many thoughts in my head - and yes, I get all bugged out watching beauty competitions for young girls, too. I think we are sexualizing our daughters at increasingly young ages, trying to turn them into mini-adults. I think the parents have their heads up their asses thinking that this kind of behavior is okay, and that their precious daughters are just the products of our society. No, stupid parents, your daughters are a product of your inability to get over yourself. They are decidedly not victims of society, but victims of you and your obsession to excel at the cost of pimping out your daughters. They lose their identity before they even have a chance to discover what it is, because you are too media/culture/vanity-obsessed to realize that these are beautiful daughters of God that should not be objectified and sexualized at any age, much less before they are even old enough to stay home alone.

Don't be surprised to see these girls as grown ups, behaving like Lindsay Lohan, Snooki from that stupid fake Jersey Shore show, or Heidi I-am-completely-silicone-because-my-self-esteem-is-that-low Montag.

I hope they realize in spite of their parents that they have more to offer than just their sexuality - that they can be beautiful, professional dancers without resorting to working at Christie's Cabaret.

Okay, now that I am through venting, please feel free to discuss in the comments.

Updated with a new video. We'll see how long this one lasts for.

p.s. Eli saw just a still from the video and asked what it was. I told him it was a video of young girls doing a dance. He asked if their parents are on drugs, and that is why the girls are wearing those clothes. Good question.

My new OB

2010-05-12T11:22:00.001-07:00

I have been procrastinating this blog post for a long while because I have been busy, and because there is a lot to say.

Back in April I posted about how my OB refused to provide prenatal care for me if I chose to birth at home. I had an appointment set up with him on April 21 to "discuss" my choice and my future options. I was not happy about this, but I still felt confident that things would work out for the best.

Side note: Amy had asked me why I need an OB at all, since midwives can provide all the care I need. This is a very valid question, and if anyone else is wondering, I have a few reasons for wanting an OB. The first is that my insurance covers OB care (and even some CNM care), but not care from a Certified Professional Midwife or a Licensed Professional Midwife. CPMs and LPMs are the ones that primarily will deliver the baby at home. For this baby, my cousin is kindly traveling to AZ to attend me, but I will need care in the future for other women's health issues and for future babies so I wanted to develop a relationship with an OB that is supportive of me. The other reason for me to have an OB is in the event that I have to transfer to the hospital, I would feel much better doing so with a doctor that I know rather than someone I have never met. This could still happen anyway, but I want to minimize the possibility as much as I can. The last reason is I don't have a PCP, so I want to have a relationship with some doctor for any medical needs in the future.

The Monday before my Wednesday appointment with the old OB, I decided to call a doctor I had somehow found online. This doctor is a bit further than my old one, and his office is smaller as well. But what I loved about this OB is that he has Certified Nurse Midwives (CNMs) that work for him. He also participates in a program called Centering Pregnancy, which is a way to empower pregnant women to be educated and informed about their pregnancy while providing them peer support. He was voted one of the top docs in Phoenix last year as well. Oh, and he takes my insurance. (!!!)

I called the office and was told that my insurance company would not cover a "meet and greet" with the doctor, but the receptionist put me on hold for a few minutes and then came back telling me that the doctor was willing to meet with me free of charge. They had an opening on Wednesday, the same day as I was originally scheduled with my old OB. I jumped at the chance.

Wednesday I met with the new OB, and he gave me a full prenatal exam and sat and talked with me for an additional 30 minutes about my previous pregnancies/labors/deliveries, my desires for home birthing, his beliefs, and our future relationship. And again, all of this was free of charge.

Some of the things I loved about this doctor:
* He does VBACs. I asked him why he is so open to VBACs and he said when his wife had their first child, the baby was breech and so they had no option but a c-section. After that, she wanted to have vaginal deliveries (he was still in med school) and they had a really hard time finding someone that would do a VBAC. They finally found a doctor, but this experience inspired my doctor to give the options to women. He trained doing VBACs, and his wife went on to have a total of 4 children vaginally.
* He also trained along midwives that he grew to respect and care for. He felt that he wanted to have midwives working with him because he said women often need the kind of care only midwives know how to provide.
* His daughter (the one born via c-section) had her first child via c-section in California. She had her second child vaginally at a birth center. He said he wanted her in the hospital in case of uterine rupture, but I could tell that her decision helped to remind him of the aspect of safety in non-hospital settings.
* He supports women's choices. He completely supports and believes in natural childbirth, but he also said if he has a woman that wants an epidural, he lets her have it right away. He thinks it should be up to the woman to decide how she births.
* He has had other women in his care that have homebirthed and wasn't even a little bit freaked out by it. His reaction was very normal, comforting, kind. I felt like I was respected, my opinions and beliefs mattered, and that I was safe.

The doctor did of course advise me on the "risks" associated with homebirths as is required for liability, but that was precursory as I had already discussed with him my education on the subject. I am more concerned about the risks of a hospital delivery, so my goal is to stay out of there.

One day I will get around to posting about why I am choosing a homebirth. It just hurts my brain to dig so deep. Or I am lazy. You pick.

Breastfeeding in church - an unofficial poll

2010-05-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

I often wonder about breastfeeding in church. With the boys I always used the mother's lounge, but then again I skipped a lot of Sacrament meetings and didn't have to nurse the boys very often while there. It was too difficult for me to manage, watching after a toddler while nursing an infant and being all alone to do it.

Now that I am expecting again, I have been thinking about the logistics of nursing at church. I stumbled upon this blogpost and it brought up the thought yet again. I have often felt like it shouldn't be a big deal to just nurse during the meetings without going into the stinky, poopy-diaper-smelling mother's lounge. Not to mention that it seems my entire ward is pregnant or just had a baby. How will we all fit on those two recliners?

For anyone that has not been around me while I nurse, I always cover when I am out in public. Honestly, I could care less when other women nurse uncovered in public - in fact, I always look at them as sort of rock stars, because a) they have the guts to nurse uncovered, and b) they usually do it so discreetly that you can't see anything and it is amazing. But for me, I cover because a) I don't have that courage, and b) I am way too clumsy and am sure everyone would get more exposure to my breasts then the baby would.

So my question is, what do you guys think of nursing during the meetings?

Reasons I am grateful on Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-09T22:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know my last post complained about being a mom. I feel that way a lot - that this job is hard and I wish it was easier sometimes. And then other times I wax poetic over my children and remember why I signed on for this job. Today being Mother's Day, I was more of the waxing poetic kind of mom. Here are reasons I am grateful to be a mom to my little monsters.

I am so thankful for Ephraim, who loves to read and learn and loves his LEAP class. Here is a picture of him on Wednesday, May 5, showing off his projects. He has been studying the moon and the Grand Canyon.

He also has a new hobby lately: writing love songs. I am not sure why, or how, or where this all came from. He did say the other day that there is a boy in his class who says he writes songs, but he won't bring them into school to prove it, so according to Ephraim the boys is not a real songwriter. Ephraim says he writes songs down on paper so Ephraim is able to prove it to everyone. Here is one he came up with while we were hanging out at the library last week:

In case you can't read it, it says:

The girl goes on and on in my head she is good at everything. I like her the way she is. It is perfect for my life. I am feeling so good the way she smiled is filling my heart. It feels good to be by her. My life is perfect as I am. I don’t know what she is thinking of. She gives me ideas of her life. It is going to be safe for both of us. It is ok. It feels so good! To be with her. It just feels awesome with her to be in her life! She is lonely in her life. Nobody is with her. She needs to share a life with some people. It does not feel safe when you are lonely. Anyone can pick her anyone in the world.

Seriously, I am so impressed that his 7 year old mind was able to come up with these ideas, and within about 30 minutes. I asked if he wrote it for anyone in particular, and he said no, he just wrote it.

I am also very grateful for this birthday boy, cutting his birthday cake Friday night. He was able to turn it around and have a good day on Friday. I was so happy because he held onto his "marbles" and he was able to still do the other things we had planned.

After cake and ice cream, we looked up the song Keep On by the Brady Bunch so Eli could dance to it for us. I guess they have it on Dance Dance Revolution at school, and his class does DDR everyday for Fit Kids (a form of PE but with the class, not the PE teacher). In case you don't remember the song, part of the chorus goes like this:

We're gonna keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on dancing all through the night.
We're gonna keep on, keep on, keep on doing it right
We're gonna keep on, keep on , keep on movin
Gonna keep on, keep on, keep on grooving
Keep on singing and dancing all through the night.

Now that your rememberer is jostled, here is a small (and unfortunately dark) video clip of Eli dancing to it. I hope you can see it because it makes me laugh everytime I watch it.

Lastly, I am extremely grateful for this wee one that keeps getting stronger and stronger in my belly, and I am grateful for two kids and a husband who enjoy talking to her and feeling her move around. I feel like we're such princesses with these three guys doting on us two girls.

Eli's 9th birthday

2010-05-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

It's Eli's birthday today. And no, he isn't in a wheelchair - this pic was from a few weeks ago when he hurt his ankle and was *so sure* he couldn't walk on it, so we took him to the doctor where they said he was (surprise) going to be fine.

We had a fun night planned - just dinner of his choice at home tonight (sloppy joe's, apple, and pineapple, if you were wondering), eat cake and ice cream, and watch a movie together as a family. And of course, he gets to sleep with us tonight if he wants to. They love that.

Tomorrow, in lieu of a birthday party, he was going to invite a friend to go with us to a local farm for a tour. He has been looking forward to this for a month.

Last night I got an email about what a horrible day he had in school. This is the second horrible day he has had in less than a week. I was sad to do it, but we pulled the plug on the farm. He also lost the privilege of riding his skateboard to school today.

I love this boy and try to celebrate him as much as I can, but sometimes he makes it so hard. Sigh. Joe told him last night that it is in his power to make these great things happen, or to lose them. We discussed the good things that are still going to happen tonight, and Joe told him to imagine that all of those good things are marbles and we have placed those marbles in his hand. He gets to choose if he holds onto them, or if he empties the marbles onto the ground.

I really hope he holds onto them. It makes me sick punishing him on his birthday. Sometimes being a mom really sucks.

If I held the rally, it would be different

2010-05-05T08:18:00.001-07:00

I dragged Joe to the immigration rights/anti SB1070 rally on Saturday, and we took his nephew Ryan along with us (I was surprised and happy that he felt strongly enough to want to go). We headed out to the Arizona State Capitol Building in Phoenix and I was hopeful for a few different things.

Almost everywhere you looked, there were American flags being held up. You can see, there was a lot of patriotism. In fact, a lot of the flags were HUGE. At least the size of the ones you put in front of your house, if not bigger.

And then... there were some vendors there selling Mexican flags. You can see some of the flags in this shot. I don't think that sends the right message, because people hold on to that as if everyone at the rally is anti-American, pro-Mexican, or something else equally untrue. It doesn't matter how proud someone is of having their roots in Mexico and still proud that their feet firmly planted in America; holding both flags sends mainstream America into a tizzy. It would have been better for the organizers to tell the vendors not to sell any Mexico items there, and to ask people to leave any Mexican flags in their cars. BUT ~ the vast majority of what you saw (if you were actually there) was the American flag being held high.

Other things I would change:

* I would have limited the amount of Spanish being spoken by the rally leaders. They seemed to try and split it up 50/50, but I think that sends the wrong message to the mainstream as well - as if "these brown people are trying to TAKE OVER Arizona!!!" The reality is, a lot of the people at the rally were bilingual, and some only spoke Spanish while others only spoke English. I think it would have been better to appeal to the mainstream by having it in English, though, with a sprinkling of Spanish thrown in.

* I would have tried to organize things a little better. There wasn't much organization to it, and no one really knew what time it started, where to go, etc. Granted, the rally was only organized in a week so they didn't have much time to get it together.

* I would have included a march in it. There were some people marching around the block, but I think it would have been more effective for everyone to march at once.

I am glad that we got to go and exercise our right to free speech. I am grateful to live in a country that allows us the freedom to disagree with the law and try to affect change. I am hopeful for the future.

And I am also glad that the Suns as a team unanimously agreed to stand up for something that they believe in. I was shocked when I read this this morning. It is nice to know people are paying attention.

Tomorrow will be a non-political post. It just might be about some delicious food. Or insane children. Or maybe about drinking nasty stuff for the yeast cleanse. Which to choose...

I might be away for a little while

2010-04-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

As we are coming to the end of the semester, there are a lot of things to blog about but no time. Hopefully I will update more regularly soon, but finals are going to be taking a lot of my energy. Of course, blogging is a preferable alternative to studying, but I want to finish school someday so we will see how disciplined (or distracted) I will be.

In the meantime, here is a picture of Joe's little birthday cake. He celebrated his 27th on Monday. What a pup.

Eli's is coming next Friday. Maybe I should plan something. We are also going to be busy trying to get his Wolf badge done.

Other things occupying my time/brain space:

A big one is this stupid immigration law that was signed on Friday. I am pissed off about it and I need to do something. I don't know what, but inaction is making me insane.

I found a new doctor and I want to post about it someday.

We are beginning our yeast cleanse and I will update you all with that in a couple weeks.

I am glad to be going to my niece's wedding in May, and that my boys get to come with me.

I think the baby moved so her head is down right now. Of course, she'll probably flip around a lot before she is born, but today I started to feel her kicks and punches up top instead of in my pelvis.

And now I am off to write a reflection paper on the movie Supersize Me for my anatomy/physiology class. That movie gave me a tummy ache and a fierce craving for french fries, all in one.

Update, because this is funny (and it gave me my first laugh about this insane situation we are in):

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Law & Border

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Tea Party

Just a thought

2010-04-23T17:24:00.000-07:00

Today I got out of the shower, grateful that I finally washed my hair. I was putting lotion on my legs when I realized whose legs they reminded me of:

I am considering shaving.

Cloth Diapering Part II

2010-04-22T05:25:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to compare the old styles of cloth diapering with the new styles, using pictures I have stolen from the internet.

Here are the old diaper covers. Remember these plastic beauties? I am not a fan of the smell I immediately associate with this image.

This is a picture of one of the many styles of new diaper covers available today. They are still waterproof, but they are now made out of breathable materials. (yay!)

Here are the duckie pins that Cathy and others were reminiscing on.

These are the angled pins currently out. I am not a fan and am for sure not going the pin route.

These are the fasteners I will be using. They are called Snappis. Snappis are super stretchy and hold it all together quickly without using pins. Thank goodness.

This is what the heads of a Snappi look like. They are like the hooks for Ace bandages.

Coming soon - a new post that does not involve cloth diapering or immigration laws. Promise.

I would totally get arrested for this too

2010-04-20T22:02:00.001-07:00

I wish I had been a part of these protests today.

Students Arrested in Protest Over State's Immigration Legislation

HOWARD FISCHER Capitol Media Services Posted: Tuesday, April 20, 2010 1:30 pm

PHOENIX -- Protests, physical and verbal, are erupting at the Capitol and around the country to the legislative approval of a wide-reaching illegal immigration bill.

Today, students from Arizona State University were arrested after chaining themselves to the doors of the Old Capitol. That followed a rally by various religious and community leaders about 75 yards away urging Gov. Jan Brewer to veto the measure which now sits on her desk.

Petitions with more than 80,000 signatures urging a veto were hand delivered to gubernatorial press aide Paul Senseman who met with them privately. Brewer was in Tucson on Tuesday.

In Tucson, Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik pronounced the legislation to be "political fornicaboobery." Dupnik said his officers already have the right -- and do -- stop people who they believe are in this country illegally.

And outside the state, Roger Mahoney, the cardinal of Los Angeles, said the legislation amounts to "reverting to German Nazi and Russian Communist techniques whereby people are required to turn one another in to the authorities on any suspicion of documentation.''

Senseman deflected all questions about what the governor is thinking and whether she would be willing to buck her own Republican Party: The measure cleared the House last week on a strictly party-line vote; in the Senate, Carolyn Allen of Scottsdale was the only Republican in opposition.

Posted in State-and-regional on Tuesday, April 20, 2010 1:30 pm Updated: 5:42 pm.

Cloth Diapering

2010-04-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

Disposable diapers and wipes are expensive. That shouldn't be news to anyone that has had babies. Cost estimates for just diapers are between about $1600 (if you buy the cheapest ones) up to about $2500. And of course there is the environmental impact to all of these diapers being dumped in landfills.

Being on the extremely tight budget that our family is on, I was honestly really concerned about how we were going to afford diapers each month. I know that we would figure out a way, but I was still concerned. I looked into the cloth diapering option, and of course I was worried about a) how much money I would actually save; and b) if it was something I could actually and practically do. I looked into options online and was fairly convinced just by what I read that this was a path we could take. I was very overwhelmed by the many options available, and was thrilled when I discovered that a local cloth diaper distributor gave free informational classes on cloth diapering.

Today Joe and I attended our class. I was amazed at the beautiful fabrics and prints available for cloth diapering, and we were dazzled by so many options. However, the most economical option for cloth diapering is using the not-quite-so-luxurious unbleached cotton chinese prefolds as the diapers, with diaper covers. The nice thing is that in addition to these being the best price, they are also the longest lasting and will work for at least another baby (probably even two or more). There were other options for using hemp prefolds, wool diaper covers, and gorgeous all-in-ones, but the cost was much higher.

We bought everything we need to get started today. We spent $440 for everything we need to last us until our baby is 18 pounds, and then we will need to spend another $160 for the bigger size diapers that will last her until she is potty trained. For anyone keeping track, our total investment into cloth diapering will be a grand total of $600 - far less than the amount for disposable diapers for one baby, and well below the $3200-$5000 on just diapers for 2 babies.

Here's a picture of our kit. In it are 3 dozen diapers, 2 diaper covers, 14 silk liners, 2 waterproof pail liners, 2 waterproof bags (for while we are out of the house), 3 dozen wipes, a wipe warmer, wipe spray (again, for while we are out of the house), and detergent. Not shown are 6 diaper covers and a diaper sprayer that we purchased and that are being shipped to us in the next two weeks. In case you are wondering, the detergent use is minimal - we only use 1-2 tablespoons per load of diapers so the box should last us quite a while (they estimate about 10 months to a year).

Here is a close-up picture of the wipes. For economy sake, we purchased 2 dozen of the cheaper unbleached cotton terry wipes, then 1 dozen of the higher end flannel wipes.

These are the two waterproof bags we bought for when we are out and about. I love the prints.

Again for economy sake, we bought 6 diaper covers in boring white and a light blue. We needed gender neutral since these are going to last for subsequent babies, and they unfortunately didn't have any nice tan or cute neutral prints in the style we wanted (unless we wanted to upgrade to the more expensive diapers that probably wouldn't last through more than one child). We did splurge on 2 of these cute diaper covers for this baby, and if they don't last for the next baby that is okay with us.

Here is a picture of the diaper cover from the front. The thing I do not love about these (and one reason they don't last as long) is that the closure is velcro on the front. I like the ones that have the snaps. The velcro has more of a tendency to wear than the snaps do.

Aside from the economics of using cloth diapers, I am also glad to be using materials that are so much softer and more gentle on my baby's skin. For those of you that are not aware, I had eczema growing up (in fact it still flares up occasionally) and I have passed on that sensitive skin to my kids, particularly Ephraim. He literally came out of the womb with eczema covering his body. When I used the most gentle baby wipes I could find, his bum would bleed because the chemicals were too harsh - I ended up buying a huge pack of terry washcloths from Costco and just wiping his bum with water for about the first month of his life. I have nieces and nephews with eczema as well, and I am fairly confident I will continue passing this horrible skin on to future babies. Knowing that I will be putting soft, breathable, gentle materials onto my babies' bums makes me feel a lot better.

And as a bonus, I hear that cloth-diapered babies potty train earlier. =)

April Gratefuls - an annoyingly positive post

2010-04-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

* I am grateful that on Tuesdays, the boys and I get to take Joe to school and then go play at the park. This Tuesday the boys wanted to try the skatepark section of Freestone. Unfortunately, after we arrived the boys decided there were too many big kids there, so instead they *may* or *may not* have skated illegally on the empty basketball courts. Then they went over to the volleyball courts (in the background of this picture) and unabashedly asked the teenage girls if they could play with them. Surprisingly, the girls let them play.

* I am grateful for stinky smelly boys that have the courage to ask other people if they can join their fun. They are much braver than I am.

* I am grateful for a mama that takes care of my boys and me. Ephraim's school nurse called on Wednesday at 8:30 am - his eczema was so flaring up so bad that he kept scratching and couldn't concentrate at school. Mom picked him up for me and kept him till I got out of school. Then she watched him AGAIN on Thursday morning while I had a different class (he was still not feeling well).

* I am grateful that on Thursday, Mom introduced Ephraim and me to The Whole Grain Natural Bread Company in Mesa where I got this delicious veggie sandwich. How could it not be delicious - fresh, whole 9-grain bread with avocado, lettuce, onions, cucumbers, tomatoes, sprouts, cheese and hummus. Mmmm. I want to go back.

*I am grateful for insurance to cover Ephraim's 5 medications. He has the worst problems (especially during allergy season) with croup, asthma, eczema, etc. We are going to be trying yeast beating supplements and a probiotic soon to see if that helps his eczema.

* I am grateful for a good friend with an awesome blog that helps me learn more about taking good care of my family, including the yeast supplements. And I am grateful that we are getting together for breakfast soon. =)

* I am grateful for a tax refund that made it possible for me to get my car repaired last week ($1100 anyone?) and get some new brakes on it *hopefully* in the next week or two.

* I am grateful for such a caring, goofy husband that lets me be me.

* I am grateful to be going to a cloth diaper class at Wildflower Diapers in the morning. I know this makes a lot of people grossed out, but I think it is going to be much more economical for us, not to mention better on our babies' bottoms. I hope to have a post on this soon.

* I am grateful that, at 23 weeks pregnant, I am learning what other women have said about actually enjoying their pregnancies. This pregnancy is so different than my last ones, which has everything to do with life being so much better.

There are so many more gratefuls in my life, but this post is already super long so I'll stop here. I am blessed and happy.

The curse of Granny Fanny

2010-04-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

Ephraim had a field trip at Superstition Farm today. We were so excited to go and see this working dairy. We have been before, but it was so long ago Ephraim can't remember going. Here's a picture of the two of us on the bus on the way up:

Here's a picture of Ephraim on the way home, following the long tradition of his Grandma Francis and his mother:

Put me almost anywhere at any time, and I can sleep like a baby just like my mother. (Did you know that Mom has fallen asleep at bars listening to loud, live music? She's awesome.) Ephraim fell asleep about 5 minutes after we left the farm. He slept through announcements from the bus driver and the noise from a bus full of 1st graders yelling and talking. I am glad to see that our narcolepsy lives on to another generation.

My turn to teach Relief Society

2010-04-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know, my church calling is a Relief Society teacher. I teach the second Sunday of every month. I actually like this calling, which I know is weird to a lot of people. I enjoy talking to the sisters about Gospel and hearing their ideas and feedback. Plus it is only one Sunday a month.

About a month ago I found out that we were having Ward Conference on the second Sunday in April (the 11th). I was super hopeful that the Stake Relief Society Presidency would be teaching the lesson so that I could have a week off (I like my calling but I am also lazy). About two weeks ago I learned that they were not going to be teaching. That was okay, I enjoy teaching even if I am a huge lazy slacker.

And then... last week I found out that the Stake RS Presidency would be attending and listening to my talk. What the what??? Fine. whatever.

Then I read the lesson. It was short. I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to squeeze 40-45 minutes out of it. I was hopeful for sister participation, since that is the only way to make the new lessons go longer. Plus, comments from the class is waaaay more interesting than listening to me drone on forever.

Okay. I felt like I could do this. It was stressful, but there was no other choice.

I got to Relief Society and set down. The Ward RS Presidency was on one side of the stand, and the Stake RS Presidency was on the other. My hands were cold and clammy but I was going to be alright. There was only one way out of this and that was through it, so let's go.

And then the Stake President came in and sat with the Stake RS Presidency.

WHY?

I taught my lesson, and I think the class was as intimidated by the Stake folks as I was. They were conspicuously quiet and didn't offer much input. At all. Where did my girls go? They always talk and help out.

They had asked me to finish about 5 minutes early so the Stake President could talk to us. I had 10 minutes left and was done with my lesson, so I did what any sane person would do. I bore my testimony and quit.

And yet, I would still prefer to have done that than pray in Sacrament meeting like Vicky had to.

My ob/gyn isn't a fan of home births

2010-04-09T13:33:00.000-07:00

Surprise, right? Not really, considering the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology are adamantly against taking the natural process of childbirth out of their control. They do allow that Certified Nurse Midwives are competent, but only within a hospital or birthing center. Their official position reads in part:

"The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) reiterates its long-standing opposition to home births. While childbirth is a normal physiologic process that most women experience without problems, monitoring of both the woman and the fetus during labor and delivery in a hospital or accredited birthing center is essential because complications can arise with little or no warning even among women with low-risk pregnancies."

The ACOG also are "concerned" about the high c-section rate in the US (brought about by their doctors) and state:

"Advocates [of home birth] cite the high US cesarean rate as one justification for promoting home births. The cesarean delivery rate has concerned ACOG for the past several decades and ACOG remains committed to reducing it, but there is no scientific way to recommend an 'ideal' national cesarean rate as a target goal. In 2000, ACOG issued its Task Force Report Evaluation of Cesarean Delivery to assist physicians and institutions in assessing and reducing, if necessary, their cesarean delivery rates."

Just as a side note, c-section rates across the US have increased for the 12th consecutive year to 32.3%. In New Jersey it is at 40%. In Ohio, for first time mothers with low-risk pregnancies, their c-section rate is 27.1%. For comparision, the World Health Organization recommends that the c-section rate should be no higher than 10-15%. Good job, ACOG task force. 10 years later and the c-section rate continues to climb.

I want to avoid a c-section for numerous reasons, namely:

* C-sections come with increased risk of maternal death
* C-sections are more traumatic to the baby as well as to me
* C-sections are a lot more difficult to recover from
* Once you have had a c-section, you are discouraged (and sometimes legally prohibited) from delivering vaginally in subsequent births
* The first c-section isn't the worst - it is the subsequent ones that pose the most danger
* C-sections limit the number of children you are able to have

Delivering in a hospital with my ob is not going to automatically equate to me having a c-section. However, the interventions that occur in a hospital setting often lead to c-sections that would have been unnecessary if the providers had allowed labor to progress normally. There is a reason that home birth c-section rates are less than 4%. I also understand that a lot of providers are under pressure to perform more c-sections than may be necessary due to fear of malpractice lawsuits; I think that is horrible, that lawsuits are managing the way that women are treated and cared for at such an important time of their lives.

Back to my doctor, He is a kind person. He has been voted a top doc in AZ by his peers a few different times (including the most recent ranking). He is a skilled surgeon and has a very successful practice. He also made it clear to me that if he is in any way linked to or affiliated with a home birth, his malpractice insurance will drop him and he will no longer be able to practice. I can understand completely why he cannot provide care for me. I think it is unfortunate that if I have any concerns or issues, or if something comes up later and I have to transfer to a hospital, I cannot contact his office and have him see me or deliver me at the hospital. It is an unfortunate circumstance that women are not allowed more choices, even here in AZ where home birth is legal.

I still have an appointment with my ob in a couple weeks to "discuss" home birth and hear his reasons why he opposes it. I don't yet know if I will keep that appointment or not, simply because there is really no reason to. I might go just to ask him if I can at least still be a patient when I am not pregnant, and how they will handle that.

What I do know is that I am going to continue getting the best prenatal care available from some awesome women (namely Cathy in Utah and Wendi here in AZ) and then deliver my baby girl here at home.

If you have time after reading such a lengthy blog post, I saw this awesome birth story today that I wanted to share. Another reason midwives are so incredible.

April '10 random

2010-04-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

I was tired of that horror post sitting at the top of my blog, so I am posting randomness just to get rid of it.

* Friday night we went to a luau fundraiser for Cathy's Relay for Life team. They raised around $400-$500 for the American Cancer Society. It was a lot of fun and the dancers were great. Joe has never been to a luau, so it was a fun experience for him especially. He asked me if I could learn to shake my hips like those girls. Hysterical laughter ensued.

* Yesterday was a great Easter. We unfortunately didn't have the kids for Easter this year, but it was a nice day with our families. We spent the first half of the day with Joe's family - we watched the first session of conference with them and then ate a delicious ham lunch/dinner. Well, we all did. Poor Joe couldn't with his pork allergy, so he had chicken instead. Afterward we watched the second session of conference with my family, then ate a yummy barbecue dinner. And...if you are wondering how I did around all that candy - it was an epic FAIL. Not just a little sneaking here and there. I really blew it. Sigh. I am glad that today is a new day.

* The car broke again. This time it is the entire clutch and some slave cylinder/shaft/whatever thing. And it is over $800 to fix it. Ugh. We are planning on buying a new car this fall, and I was really hoping to avoid major repair before then. I guess not.

I feel bad for my ob/gyn

2010-04-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

WARNING: TMI BELOW

Wednesday I went to my ob/gyn for a UTI. Fun, right? I did the mandatory pee-in-a-cup thing, but then she wanted to do an exam (you all know what I mean, right?) just in case anything else was going on.

Now, I am always a little paranoid about that exam. You know the things we worry over for no reason - "I haven't shaved my legs past the knee in 5 months;" "My pedicure is jacked;" "Do I even have a bikini-line anymore???" I was worried about the wrong things.

I am lying on my back waiting for the business to be over, and as soon as the speculum joined our party I started to cough. And I couldn't stop. Don't forget, I have had two kids already and am pregnant with my third, so coughing isn't pleasant.

I wanted to die.

I apologized over and over, and she told me not to worry about it. Then before she left, she said, "You know, we have a procedure for that."

Ugh.

We need a new camera

2010-03-31T12:59:00.000-07:00

We just had another weekend with the boys here. I love these weekends. We didn't do much, but it was still nice. I would have loved to have captured everything with a camera, but unfortunately our camera sucks. Bad. We bought a new little cheapy camera last year right before we got married, and I was very excited to have it to take with us to Disneyland since it was so compact. The pictures it took were even decent. For example...

The boys in Toon Town with Goofy:

The family in Mickey's studio:

Joe and the boys cheezing (with me behind the camera, dreading the inevitable water rides):

Ephraim and Joe dressed for Mickey's Trick-or-Treat Party:

The pictures actually are okay. Not great, but they served our purposes. And we were able to document such an awesome trip. Seriously, what a fun honeymoon.

Fast forward 5 months. Last weekend started with Ephraim's honor roll assembly on Friday. That would have made for some great pictures, right? Yeah, I thought so too. But all I got was this:

And this:

Saturday we went to the new skate park that just opened up close by - Sk8 Asylum. They had their grand opening Saturday so open skate was only $5, plus they had a free barbecue lunch for everyone. Ephraim doesn't skate (yet) but Eli loves to. This was our first time ever going to a skate park, and Eli had never before tried any ramps. Wouldn't that be a great experience to capture? Well, I was going to post what the pictures are looking like now, but they are all white so you can't even see them against this white background. Pretty pathetic.

I guess I am back to taking pics with my phone. I forget a camera half the time anyway. I'll start scouring the ads in a couple months for a new camera so I can hopefully document some of our summer.

The upside of eating better

2010-03-27T11:15:00.000-07:00

My mean midwife had asked me to cut out sugar and refined flours. It was horrible. And hard. And wonderful. I love her to pieces, and when she told me to modify my diet, I thought she was correct but insane. During the first trimester, I don't think I ate anything that wasn't refined. Processed. Junk. I didn't want to eat anything at all, and simple carbs was the only appetizing thing to me. Thankfully I was already into my second trimester (and feeling much better) when she gave me that recommendation. I still screw up and eat pizza occasionally, or sneak M&Ms at my sister's baby shower. BUT I have made huge improvements in the overall quality of the food that I am eating. My family asked me about 2 weeks ago why we never have ice cream anymore. I have cinnamon rolls that have been sitting in my freezer and fridge for weeks. (Guess I should probably toss those, huh?) I have told them that it is too hard to have it in the house, so we are slowly moving to having only good foods around.

Some things I have learned that I love:

* Whole wheat tortillas are actually really really good. I just try not to think about their white counterparts.

* Yogurt tops (I leave the fruit on the bottom, so I only get minimal fruit juice used as sweetener in the Cascade yogurts. And no, Renee, they really don't taste like dishwasher detergent.)

* Whole wheat pitas

* Delicious, homemade honey almond granola (I add flaxseed and wheat germ to make it even better)

I do miss sweets. I miss cookies and pie and ice cream and white things... But I am really happy with how good my body has been feeling. I think my hubby might even agree. I am a little scared with how I am going to handle Easter, though.

And I am looking forward to the day I deliver. I have already asked my neighbor if she will make her super delicious chocolate chip cookies for me that day. Planning.

She's waving hi

2010-03-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

Her head is on the left, belly on the right, and her arm is at the top. Watch and you will see her waving hi.

2010-03-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

Another March '10 random sampler

2010-03-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

* Cathy came into town this week. It was a short visit, but a great one. She brought her sweet friend Brianna (I hope I spelled her name right). For anyone not familiar, Cathy is my cousin and is also my midwife. Brianna is also a midwife, and I am hoping that she can come visit in August with Cathy when I have my baby. Cathy did a prenatal exam and she had my hubby and kids hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Everything looks great and what a difference it is to have that done in my own home rather than in the doctor's office! I was so relaxed and calm being in my space. Even with my boys running around. It was great. Cathy also let Eli pump up the blood pressure cuff, let the boys use her temporal thermometer and take my temperature, and Ephraim pushed the button on the doppler so we could hear the baby. Plus she used olive oil with the doppler instead of that nasty blue gel. It was wonderful.

* Cathy, Brianna, the boys and I also met with another midwife here in town named Wendy. Wendy offered to do prenatal exams for me here in town (since Cathy lives in Utah) and one of her students will probably attend the birth along with Cathy. Wendy is extremely cool with a cute office in Chandler. She is moving to downtown Tempe soon, so she is kinda far but it'll be great. Eli said she smiled too much. What??? Ephraim loved her.

* I go to my Ob/Gyn today and get an ultrasound to find out the sex. Yay! I will also be telling them about my home birth plans. I hope they are supportive, but we will see. I am a little (a lot) nervous about their reaction. Here's the deal though - even if they freak out and say no way, I will still be receiving great care from my midwives. So there is really not much to be scared of.

* The boys are off spring break and back in school. I like having time to myself during the day, but I miss having them home. It is just easier when they are on break. We did what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it. Oh well.

* I am back in school from spring break, too. My classes are going well. Currently pulling A's, but who knows how the end of the semester will work out.

* I love Netflix watch instantly. It is the best. We are currently watching all of the seasons of That's So Raven right now, and the other day we were watching an episode where Raven was designing a dress for a fashion show. The woman running the show told Raven she was too fat to model the dress, so she had to make it smaller for one of the skinny models to wear. Raven modeled it anyway. Eli, my pseudo-manorexic, says to me, "Raven looks fine, Mom. Why is that lady saying that?" I had to agree with him that Raven looks fine to me, too. We had a little discussion about how everyone is different in all kinds of ways, and Ephraim says "Like me - I have big ears!" They made me smile.

* I am considering making my blog private. I just think I might be able to discuss things a little more openly when I know exactly who has access to it. If I do (and you want access) then email me or leave a comment and I will add you to my blog readers. It probably won't happen for about a month.

* Melody, our dog, has stinky farts. Ok, that is really not an update, just the reason why I am ending my blogpost now - to get away from her.

Mom - skip this post since I know you hate hearing about dreams

2010-03-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

It is starting. I had a bizarre dream about the baby last night. I am sure that I will have many

more dreams about the baby (or my unresolved worries about mothering) over the next several months. Since this blog is also my journal, you guys get to suffer through them with me.

Last night I dreamt that Mom and I were able to peek into my womb and see the baby. It was a baby girl, and she had beautiful dark curly hair, blue-gray eyes set in a round chubby face, and pale skin. She was the girl that Joe had seen in his dreams before we were married. Our Jelly Belly. She had a sweet smile and was so happy and peaceful . And that was it.

I am trying to remember the dreams that I had when I was pregnant with the boys, but they were never of *them* specifically, they were always just about my general anxieties with having a baby. Recurring themes were putting the baby in the oven and starting to cook him, leaving for hours without realizing the baby was at home, and dropping him. I am interested to see what other stories and images come to me in my dreams.

So onto you guys... What kinds of pregnancy dreams have you guys had? I want details, and reasons why you think you had those dreams. And as a reward, I will give you.... my undying gratitude. You're welcome in advance.

How is this possible?

2010-03-15T08:17:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a lot about birthing interventions, and I stumbled upon this article from October of 2009. I am stunned. This happened here in Arizona in October - just 5 months ago. At a Banner hospital. Really.
Sigh. I keep hoping things aren't as bad as this, but when you realize that our national maternal mortality rates increasing, it gets easier to believe.

March '10 Random

2010-03-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

* It's hard to tell, but this is the sign for the new McDonalds being built about 2 miles from my house. There is another McDonalds about 5 miles from there. Behind this McDonalds sign is a Dunkin Donuts that opened a few months ago. Here's my complaint: I love McDonalds AND Dunkin Donuts, but we are in a recession that is so bad, the Walgreens and the Fresh and Easy buildings right behind the Dunkin Donuts are complete, yet they never opened. So our community is now served by more junk food places with less options for healthy foods and healthcare. Hmmm. I'm sure there are a lot of jokes here, but I am too disappointed in stupid Walgreens and F & E to think of any right now. I want to punch them in their stupid corporate faces.

* My wonderful cousin *may* be coming down to visit this weekend. It would be my first prenatal visit with her. I am hoping and praying that the baby she is delivering this week comes by Wednesday.

* I find out what I am having in a week and a half. =)

* I went to a Relief Society dinner the other night and I actually enjoyed myself. A few reasons for this: a) the girls in my ward are really nice - I just don't really have anyone I am close with; b) I took a nonmember neighbor with me and she was a lot of fun to hang out with, plus I had her to sit with so I didn't go through that whole awkward "where do I sit" thing. Oh how insecure I am!

* Remember how Ephraim just learned to ride his bike? Well, it took him 4 days before he started doing stunts. He likes to get up to a good speed and then stand on the middle bar and coast. I'm not gonna lie - it scares me. I feel like this is one of those appropriate times for a don't ask don't tell policy.

* Last night for dinner I felt uninspired and lazy, but I needed to make something to feed my favorite monsters. I pulled out chicken to thaw but was clueless. I went onto a couple websites and found a recipe that I tweaked a little, and it was a huge hit with my family. It is for a chicken parmesan type dish but used ingredients I had on hand and it was so easy, I thought I would share.

1 package boneless skinless chicken breasts (I used 3 big ones, and I cut them in half so they weren't as thick)

2 eggs beaten

3/4 cup italian style bread crumbs

3/4 cup parmesan cheese (just the cheapy powder kind)

1 jar pasta sauce

Sliced mozzarella, provolone, or swiss cheese (any cheese that is white, melty, and delicious, and shredded would work too)

Preheat oven to 400*. Spray glass 13X9 pan.

Combine bread crumbs and parmesan. Dredge chicken breasts in egg, then dredge in the bread crumbs and parmesan mixture. Place in pan and bake uncovered for 25 minutes.

Pour pasta sauce over the chicken and then top with sliced cheese. Put back in oven for 15 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink.

The jar of sauce I used was a medium size 2 lb+ jar but you could probably get away with the regular jar.

* I am getting ready to go celebrate the birth of my sister's third baby with my other sisters and my mom. It is so great being surrounded by wonderful women. Especially while eating McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts.

Our school system rocks

2010-03-11T14:48:00.000-08:00

What did Ephraim learn about in school today? He learned that he is the only person in his class that can lick his own elbow.
Do you think they offer scholarships for that?

They all come with their own personalities

2010-03-09T16:16:00.001-08:00

Eli has always been a physical boy. He loved being outside from the time he was a baby, and we spent many hours a day at the park. He started on a bike with training wheels and a scooter at age 3 (but not at the same time (= ). He learned how to ride his bike without training wheels when he was 4, and started skateboarding at 5. He likes video games and TV, but if he can be outside then he is gone.

Ephraim is, well, Ephraim. He loves video games, card games, board games, TV, computers, books...really anything inside. When he was a toddler, I would be outside with the boys and the next thing I knew, Ephraim would take off for the house all by himself. Catching up to him I would discover that he was done with playing outside with friends and now it was time for him to go inside and watch TV or just lie down. He has gotten better as he is older, and last year he really started to enjoy his scooter. But, he and Eli fight all the time about what they are going to do. Since I don't let them play outside without the other, Eli is always trying to get Ephraim to go out front, and Ephraim is always trying to get Eli to come inside and play card games with him.

Elis is in heaven right now... Ephraim has FINALLY decided he wants to learn to ride his bike without training wheels. This weekend he came home from my ex's with the news that he knows how to ride. Yes, he is 7. I am a little sad for my baby to be riding, but I am also proud and happy. He needs to do this. Maybe he will start to like being outside a little more?

Photo dump and reasons why I'm lucky

2010-03-08T04:41:00.000-08:00

Joe and I went to a Valentine's Dinner and Dance that the ward held the week after Valentine's Day. It was actually fun and really nice. This is a picture I took on my phone (all of these pics are, which explains their poor quality. Whatever.). Anyway, I usually don't gush about him, but he is a great guy. Seriously. The other day he was rubbing my feet and asked me if I had shaved my legs, because he thought they were fairly smooth. I told him no, I hadn't shaved in about a week. He said, "That's ok, they seem good to me!" Did I mention he thinks the chicks in the Lane Bryant catalog have nice REAL bodies? Yup, I'm super lucky.

I was so mad at the school and my son for not telling me until Tuesday that Eli had to have a Dr. Seuss costume for a play that I didn't know he was in on Thursday. It was actually spirit week at school so all of the students were supposed to wear Dr. Seuss gear, but Eli was in a play, so it's not like I could just not have them dress up. I didn't know what to do and I only had $4.50 in expendable income (dude, it's the first of the month and rent has to get paid, right? Plus I had to save extra money for Alice in Wonderland on Friday.), and I am not crafty or clever or creative or any other c-words that would actually come in handy for this kind of situation. Thankfully Mom came to the rescue and helped me make these improptu Sam-I-Am costumes. We were up till midnight on Wednesday night, but they got done! She is such a great mom, grandma, and friend.

Finally, the pinewood derby headache is over. Here is Eli posing with his car - and wearing his pit pass - before the races started. Thankfully, Brother Newton in our ward does woodworking as a hobby and his wife is our scout master (I think that is her title. I am still so lost as to how this whole thing is organized), so he helped Eli with his design and cut it out of the wood. Plus he polished the axles, which is apparently some kind of big deal. Anyway, Joe and Eli painted the car and then Eli put his decals on... and then we dropped it off and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I am so grateful for Brother Newton and Joe.

Brother Curtin is setting Eli's car up for one of the heats in this picture. Eli's car is named "Hawk" and has decals of... wings and the word "Hawk." Creative, that boy.

Eli and Ephraim posing at the derby. Eli is holding up his award, which was "Car Most Likely to Take Flight." Eli actually won 3 out of 4 heats. He was so excited to win. Maybe because I kept preparing him to lose gracefully?

Poor Ephraim was sick on Thursday and Friday. It was weird because he had a little cough before school on Thursday, and when I was at school for the play I talked to him afterwards and he was coughing that horrible, croupy cough that sounds like your child has TB. For some reason Ephraim always gets croup when he gets sick. I took him to the doctor that night and discovered that in addition to croup, he also had bronchitis and an ear infection. So he stayed home on Friday and, being the mean mom I am, I made him help me with laundry. I asked him to get the clothes out of the washer to move to the dryer and he was taking a long time, so I came down the hall and found him inside the washer. I about peed my pants.

I am Pro Life

2010-03-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

I usually don't discuss politics on my blog, but I am astounded at the healthcare debate going on in Washington right now. As much as I hate seeing government expand its power, I also believe in social programs and think that they are extremely important for a lot of Americans. I believe healthcare reform can be a great thing for our country.
Right now, though, I am concerned that the new health care bill that is getting ready to pass through the House will open the door to federally-funded abortions. There are a lot of reasons to be concerned by this - of course, I don't believe that the government should use tax-payer dollars to pay for abortions. However, another huge concern to me is the fact that health care providers that choose not to perform abortions would not be protected if the bill is passed as it is. This makes me sad.
If you want to get involved, contact your state reps. Let them know how you feel. There is a link from the AUL's website that will take you where you need to go. Also, I read an interesting oped piece from the AUL's president on the Wall Street Journal online. I want them to pass the bill, but with language specifically prohibiting federally funded abortions.
Then again, I really want to eat cookies and ice cream till I go into a sugar coma. I just hope that both of these wants aren't just pipe dreams.

Beautiful story

2010-03-02T08:41:00.001-08:00

I found this amazing story today:

http://mormonsoprano.com/2010/01/13/miracle-birth-at-the-tonga-temple/

Do you think I could plan my next child's birth at the Mesa Temple? That's okay - my home is supposed to be as sacred as a temple, so I am going to work on making it as sacred of a space as I can in the next few months in preparation of our newest baby being born.

16 weeks

2010-02-26T07:34:00.000-08:00

I am now at 16 weeks. It is truly going by quickly (although it will seem to go soooo slow this summer). I am feeling pretty good. Of course, I am still so tired and my boobs scream at me everytime I take off my bra. But for the most part, I can't complain (but that won't stop me from complaining all the time anyway).

I am supposed to be off the sugar, but did I mention that is hard? I am trying though. Last night, the whole family had ice cream and I didn't even have a lick. That was some serious will power. I also bought some fancy pants yogurt at Sprouts last night that Cathy recommended for me. It is from Cascade and it is sweetened with fruit juice. I don't know how it tastes yet, but I'll be eating it today and let you all know.

BTW - we really need a Sprouts out here in the boondocks. Seriously. I hate that all of the Sprouts and Whole Foods are only in urban centers. Ok, off my soapbox now.

I finished my 3 exams this week, and tonight's dinner is already in the fridge, just waiting for me to bake it tonight. I am not sure what to do with all this free time (and let's be real, I'm NOT going to clean those nasty bathrooms today - the boys can do it tomorrow). All I know is I read this article on Yahoo! today, and I will probably be spending my morning with this:

I haven't played Bejeweled in ages, but I am all about "improving my mood and lowering stress." It's for the health of the baby, alright?

Update: Who knew how hard it would be to play Bejeweled on the laptop? I am too lazy to plug in the regular mouse, so instead I am leaving you with this clip of one of my favorite characters from 30 Rock. Enjoy.

Regret and other musings

2010-02-24T05:40:00.001-08:00

I almost deleted the post below. I still may. I hope people reading it know I was laughing at a) the extreme ridiculousness of Ephraim's response, and b) the fact that I couldn't stop laughing. But we all had a serious talk about safety issues and reasons we don't throw major fits (well, that is everyone except for me - I am allowed to throw whatever fits I want). And yes, I apologized to Ephraim for "tricking" him.

Other things...

My ultrasound was pushed back another week, so I won't know if I am having a boy or a girl until March 24. =( But that is ok. I just get a little too excited.

My MEAN midwife wants me to cut out sugar and white flour. Sigh. It is really hard and as soon as I have a good day, I slip up and have a bad day. For example, last night was FREE pancakes at IHOP. I did it. I had a short stack. With warm maple syrup. I tried to justify it that the donations were going to the Phoenix Children's Hospital, but I'm sure my body doesn't care.
I must say they were delicious though.

Back to the judge again for child support now. The ex doesn't like the judge's calculation, so we will see what happens. Another big sigh.

School is going ok. I have three exams this week, so I will be trying to pass while being an awful parent. Thankfully it doesn't take much effort to be a bad mom.

What kind of a mother am I?

2010-02-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

Today we were in the car and I asked how the boys' day at school was. Eli told me they stopped the section on clocks, and they are still on geometry. He also learned how to use a dictionary and a thesaurus, and he got along well with the other kids (a BIG plus). I asked Ephraim how his day was. He had been reading a Goosebumps book, and apparently he didn't want to talk.

Ephraim: "It was fine."
Me: Well, what was a good thing about your day?
Ephraim: Nothing.
Me: Nothing good happened today?
Ephraim: No, it was boring.
Me: What about LEAP? I know you love it, and you had it this morning. Didn't you have fun in LEAP?
Ephraim: It was boring.
Me: Wow. If it was boring, maybe I should call your teacher and tell her you are too bored to stay in her class. We'll pull you out.
Ephraim: ***silence***
Me: Ephraim? Hello?
Ephraim: ***silence***

Being the awesome mom I am, I picked up my cell phone and placed a fake phone call to his teacher.

Me: Mrs. Mapes? Hi, this is Diane, Ephraim's mom. Ephraim came home from school today and was so bored in your class that I think it is best that we take him out of it.
Ephraim: NOOOOO!!! I DIDN'T SAY THAT!!!!
Me and Joe: Hysterical laughter.
Eli: Was that real?

The next thing I know, Ephraim is beating the crap out of Eli and the car. It is a full blown war in the backseat; Eli is screaming because Ephraim is hitting him, Ephraim is screaming "I didn't say that!", and Joe and I can't stop laughing long enough to tell them to stop. We finally regained enough control sometime after Ephraim opened his car door (while the car was moving) and right about the time that Eli hit Ephraim back so hard it sounded like he might have actually done some permanent damage.

I am still laughing. I am absolutely some kind of monster.

For the Trujillo and Francis women

2010-02-18T12:31:00.001-08:00

One of my girlfriends, Roxie, put this on her facebook post the other day:

Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings

we simply continue to fly
on a broomstick

We are flexible like that

Amen.

Gas Station Questions

2010-02-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

Last night the kids and I were on our way to pick Joe up from school when I realized we had to stop for gas. Keep in mind, the college is on the border of Chandler and Gilbert, in a decent area of town. We stopped at Chevron and a very unattractive "working girl" was standing against the building, just a little bit to the side of the entrance, soliciting customers.

A couple things ran through my mind:

* WOW. I really hope the kids don't ask me questions about her.

* She's really gross... and big... and wearing SWEATS.

* I wonder if she makes money or just does it for beer and meth?

* If she makes money, how much could she possibly be making if she is in sweats?

We pumped our gas, and right as we were leaving, a young guy heeded her call of "Hey, what are you doin?" He came up to her, talked to her for a few minutes, and then she left. I really hope they didn't arrange for a rendezvous. Gross.

Oh my, how I am behind on blogging!

2010-02-15T21:45:00.000-08:00

It has only been 5 days since my last post, but there are tons of things to blog about. We're doing this list-style (it seems to be the only way I like to blog).

1. The boy's sweetheart update: I asked Eli how Haylee liked her special Valentines; he said she wasn't there so he decided just to keep it himself instead of giving it to someone else. I asked Ephraim how it went with Sydney, and he said he "forgot" to give hers to her, so he gave it to his teacher instead. Is it bad that I was a little relieved?

2. I spent $32 at the scout store today, buying tools and weights and other such nonsense for Eli's pinewood derby car. I think I hate scouts.

3. Two days after I took the "Keep Pheonix Green" picture, the school actually painted over it. I am SO lucky I recorded it for posterity.

4. Wednesday I got a phone call from the ex, extremely unhappy about the judge's ruling. Remember, we went to court at the end of November/beginning of December, so we had been waiting for this ruling for over 2 months. I hadn't received a copy of it yet, so I waited to get my hopes up. Thursday it came in the mail - child support was increased by about 4.5 times the previous amount, and parenting time changed. !!! I now get the kids every other weekend and I am SO excited about it! Also, he is prohibited from allowing the children to consume tea or coffee (he sometimes would offer his to them, and they tried it a while ago). We both get 2 weeks of uninterrupted time in the summer. I am so excited. This was beyond what I expected. Such blessings - Heavenly Father does hear and answer prayers!

5. I have been absolutely exhausted lately (in case you haven't been reading about me on the couch). I usually work 2-3 days a week and go to school 2 days a week. Between that and home responsibilities, I have been wiped out. Friday I went into work and quit. I really like the people I work with, but I am relieved to be unemployed. I have been on cloud 9 since then!

6. We ended up having the kids this past weekend, so we hung out and had a lot of fun. We played tons of games of Magic the Get-together (Renee), aka Magic the Gathering, we played a few games of New Moon trivia, Joe and the boys played flag football for a couple of hours on Saturday with the ward, we went and saw Percy Jackson, and we organized the garage. LOL - who am I kidding? They organized the garage while I sat inside and washed dishes or something lame. While the guys were cleaning the garage, Joe noticed a natural gas smell. I came outside and could smell it too, so we called and had the gas company come out. Apparently the piping was clogged with dirt and debris, so they cleaned it out and we can now smoke outside next to the meter. OR we can just live with full access to oxygen now.

7. For Valentine's Day, I was going to do all kinds of things. The only thing I managed was to make pink heart-shaped pancakes (yes, Mom, the sugar cookie dough is still in my refrigerator. At least the dough that I haven't eaten is sitting in my refrigerator). The most thoughtful gift came from my husband. He knows how much I loved The Princess and the Frog, so he bought me the soundtrack and had the boys sing me a song from it. It was so cute.

8. For the last month, I have been watching 30 Rock. I am now on season 3 and I love Liz Lemon. I have always detested greasy Alec Baldwin, but I am slowly falling in love with Jack Donaghy. There is a difference, dammit!

9. I went to the ob/gyn today and we heard the baby's heartbeat. Everything is going well - all of my labs are great and I actually didn't gain any weight this month. I am shocked, especially with how much I eat. Last week I talked with Cathy more about my birth, and she calmed some of my fears (namely that I will vomit when I deliver). I have a whole post I will devote to her and that - but not till later. =)

February '10 Random

2010-02-10T12:30:00.000-08:00

* I have to help Eli get ready for the pinewood derby. Did you know this involves using tools? And you actually MAKE the car out of a block of wood? Do girl scouts have to do laundry with a washboard? Or bake bread over an open spit? I have no idea what to do or how to do it. Suck.

* Eli and Ephraim each have a girl that they want to ask to be their valentine on Friday. What??? Where did this come from? They know they can't have girlfriends. Oh, and when I asked how they will feel if the girls say no, I was told "Then I'll just ask someone else." Umm, okay.

* I have despised McNuggets since somewhere around 1994. But since being pregnant with this baby (and since a 4 piece nugget is $1.00) I tried them again and love all the fakey artificialness of them. I used to hate them, but now I love them so much I went to take them underneath the bleachers and get them pregnant.

* Everyday at school, I walk by this:

In case you forgot, Phoenix is the proper spelling, and tagging isn't exactly earth friendly. And Phoenix isn't green.

13 weeks... And I still don't believe in getting off the couch

2010-02-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

I am getting less tired now. But don't get me wrong - I am still reeeeeeally tired. And all of those people that tell you the second trimester brings a surge of energy are liars. I guess I don't technically hit my 2nd trimester till this Friday, but I know from previous experience that other people are full of crap. It's like having a stinky diaper that isn't quite as bad as the one before. That doesn't mean this diaper smells good, it's just not quite as disgusting as the last. That's how the trimesters go for me.

On a happy note.... I know I am super early for this, but once on Saturday and once on Sunday I felt tiny little flutters in my belly. These are not the kind you get from gas or eating too many ding dongs. Believe me, I know the difference. These were little teeny tiny baby movements.

Wild, huh? I thought maybe I was going crazy because it is so early, but I also know my body. I (of course) did an online search to see if it is even possible, and WebMD said some women can feel them this early. It made me feel a little less neurotic (but not much; I still have lots of crazy in my head).

Oh yeah, Ephraim turned 7

2010-02-03T09:48:00.000-08:00

So Ephraim's birthday was yesterday. I was a little frazzled and scatterbrained as to what to do last night, since we didn't really have anything planned. Our usual Tuesday looks like this:

Joe works 7-3:30
I go to school 8-3
Joe goes to school 4-9
Eli has scouts 4:45-5:45

It is usually a crazy day, and because of this I planned Ephraim's little celebration for Wednesday (today). I had Ephraim pick one friend to take with him and Eli to Bounce U, the local business here that has rooms filled with huge inflatable bounce houses. Ephraim picked his friend Tey and we were going to go from 2:30-4:30 for the open bounce.

So yesterday I was preparing for a normal hectic Tuesday. I got up at 5:15 and got myself and the kids ready. I made a birthday breakfast for Ephraim, then I took Joe to work and the kids to school. I headed off to school when Joe texted me asking if we can change the bounce thing to that night. I had to wait till the bounce place is open, which was during my lunch break at school. I called them while shopping for Ephraim's birthday presents (last minute, anyone?) and found out there was room at the 5pm-8pm open bounce. I tried to get a hold of Joe to make sure he wanted to change before I confirmed, then spent the rest of the afternoon playing phone tag and trying to get ahold of Tey's mom, and OH YEAH, I was at school trying to learn stuff too.

I got home and got the boys from school, talked to Tey's mom and confirmed the change with her, got Joe from work, dropped him and Eli off at home to change, picked up Tey, picked up a coupon from my parents, picked up Joe and Eli, raced to grab some Little Caesar's pizza, stopped on the way to Bounce U because Tey was getting carsick, then we finally made it and the kids and Joe played and had a blast while I did homework. We packed up and drove home, and it was 8:15 and I was exhausted. Joe looked at me and said, "Why are you so tired?" I wanted to karate chop him in the throat.

The best part of the day? After we dropped off Tey, we went by Mom's house and she served us all ice cream and cookies and gave Ephraim his awesome birthday gifts (the most memorable being his favorite stuffed animal, Lambie, that had been lost, and Mom found him!).

I am so glad that we were able to make it a fun day for Ephraim, even if I was so very tired. It was a lot of fun seeing him so happy. And maybe one day I will post pictures.

You know pictures. Like the ones that are still in my camera from Disneyland in October.....

Yeah, I probably won't be posting any pictures.

12 weeks... And still sitting on the couch

2010-02-01T09:40:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here procrastinating homework, housework, and grocery shopping so I decided to update a little.
First of all, I had a little scare a couple weeks ago. I have been spotting during this pregnancy, which is completely normal for me. My body loves to mess with my mind and likes to make me paranoid with each pregnancy. However, 2 weeks ago I started bleeding. Heavy. I was freaked out and went to the ER but they couldn't figure out where the bleeding was coming from. The best thing that came out of it was that they did an early ultrasound and were able to see the baby's heartbeat and everything was ok. On an unrelated note: they believe I probably have a corpus luteum cyst hanging around, but these are not a big deal. In fact, they supply the progesterone needed to keep this little baby growing healthy. It will more than likely go away on it's own sometime in the next few weeks. Anyway, since the ER visit I have still had a little spotting but I am doing well.
We also went and saw the ob/gyn the next day. The dr was able to get the baby's heartbeat on the doppler for a few seconds. Joe was in the waiting room with the kids, so I called them to come back and listen to the heartbeat with us. When the dr went to find the heartbeat again, the baby had moved so all they got to hear was weird swishing noises and MY heartbeat, which isn't at all exciting.
So everything with the baby is good. I am now 12 weeks and feeling like a big cheater because I am already wearing maternity clothes. They are SO very comfortable though! I got tired of unbuttoning my pants everytime I sat down, and then there was the day that I unbuttoned them during my Spanish class, and then walked out to my car, drove to Little Caesars, and came home all without realizing that my pants were completely undone. And in case you were wondering, YES it would have been obvious to anyone that looked at me. I decided to go ahead and embrace the maternity. It has been such a relief. In fact, one day I talked Joe into trying them on and he was amazed at how awesome they are! I think I am going to wear maternity clothes for the rest of my life.
Aside from the baby growing inside, I am still working a couple days a week at Kohls, and I am in anatomy (the 2nd half) and Spanish this semester. My anatomy teacher is awesome and I am SO glad I signed up for her class. Spanish is with the same instructor as last semester, so I already knew she was awesome. I am still teaching RS and subbing for Primary for (what feels like) every other Sunday, and we are settling into our ward.
I need to go figure out what to do for Ephraim's birthday tomorrow. Yeah, it's tomorrow and I am clueless. You got something to say???

Still here ... And about to be here more!

2010-01-07T12:54:00.001-08:00

Today I ~~~~ ordered internet! Hopefully it will be installed early next week. I will be relieved to have access to the blogging world again.
Not much else going on. I will be 9 weeks tomorrow and things are fine. Aversion to thoughts of eggs or fish? Check. Desire to sleep 14 hours a day? Check. Boobs so sore I want to die when I remove my bra? Chickity-check.
I must go home now and try to wash some dishes. Sadly there are more dishes in my sink then in my cupboard right now. Let's not even talk about laundry.

August 2010

2009-12-14T07:56:00.000-08:00

I took this test (from the dollar store, lol) and the line was so faint that I thought I better call the dr.
This is their test. Much better line.

I am only 5 weeks but soooo excited! =)

A blog post for Lindsay

2009-12-01T01:53:00.000-08:00

My beautiful cousin Lindsay left this comment on my last blog post:
"so what's the deal? you get married - the blog stops???
love,lin"
The answer, my sweet cousin, is Yes. Absolutely. But not because I hate blogging, or have nothing to say. Quite honestly there is a ton to record, I just have no computer. I am supposed to be doing homework right now at my mother's house but instead I am sneaking onto blogger, a luxury I really don't have time for. So I better stop now.
I hope to get a computer in January (financial aid time!) and then hopefully find a cheap internet plan. If all goes well I will back to some blogging by February! And by then it will take me at least 2 weeks to catch up on everyone's blogs. I love you all and miss reading your wonderful stories and somewhat-crazy thoughts!
Love,
Diane

I am now...Mrs. Acuña =)

2009-10-23T13:17:00.000-07:00

We did it. We got married and I am now a married woman. I enjoyed seeing my friends and family at the reception, and we had a GREAT time in Disneyland (pics to come later I am sure). The sad part? Joe lost his wedding ring on Tuesday somewhere between Star Tours and the Jedi Training Academy in Tomorrowland. Lost and Found said if anyone turns it in they will ship it to us on Mickey's tab. I doubt it will turn up.
I hope this isn't an omen...

Moving on, growing up

2009-10-11T20:39:00.000-07:00

I feel so lucky to be moving into a home with my a wonderful husband and my 2 kids. We get to live near family, we have plenty of room, the kids get to stay in the same school, and all within budget. I should be SO happy right? And I am mostly.
Except.
Except I think about how I came home last July, with a bruised heart and tender ego. My parents helped me heal. They gave me a soft place to land when my legs couldn't hold me up anymore. They helped me pick up the pieces of my old life that were worth saving, and encouraged me to use them to create a new painting of a life that I needed, that my kids deserved.
Space at mom and dad's was tight. I shared a room with my boys. Oh, and I didn't even have my own bed. I was grateful the bottom bunk was a full to fit a newly-single mommy and her two not-so-little ones. I had to share everything, and I became accustomed to not having a single spot in this world that was just mine.
But we learned. Dad learned to notice when I hit my Fox News Information threshold. That didn't mean he would turn it off (or even down) but he would stop talking about the injustices of politics when he saw me getting annoyed. And I learned to stay out of the living room at 5pm every night (Bill O'Reilly time). Mom and I learned how to share a kitchen. There were days of baking, cooking, sharing. They helped me care for my boys so I could work and go to school. They helped me have the time and energy to begin rebuilding my life.
Then Joe came into my existence and there were more adjustments. More learning. And then another new picture started to emerge. This one wasn't one of a single mom and her two boys, it was of two people that love each other, blending their lives and a new family together. The other one was pretty, but this one was beautiful. We all began to become accustomed to our new roles - Joe and I began to learn to love each other and be loved back the same way. We reveled in the joy of a love that wasn't jealous of the other person, a love that didn't hurt. The boys began learning what it meant to have a strong father-figure around, someone that loved me and loved them more than himself. Joe began to see himself as a father and a husband.
And mom and dad were there, nurturing and encouraging me to paint this picture the best way I knew how. They let me pick my own colors and reminded me of the wisest way to paint it.
I am filling in more of the colors now. I am trying my best to do this the right way. I want to make them proud of me. I want them to feel that it was all worth it. And as glad as I am to finally have my own space and to start my new life, I will miss the shelter of mom and dad's. I will miss the security I feel there, the safety that I needed the most when the rest of my life had broken apart. I will miss talking with my mom, learning how to make red chile, running a household together. I will miss watching the boys walk in from school and look past me to find out where grandma is. I will miss watching Ephraim pretend-fighting with his grandpa, just trying to get his attention.
But now it is my turn to make a safe place for my boys. They need a soft place to land, a place with security and love and consistency. They need parents that will be there for them no matter what, parents that will support them and help them grow. Parents that will teach them to create their own paintings. Joe and I can do this. We are ready.

It's only been a year and a half...

2009-10-09T07:11:00.001-07:00

But we finally have a home. Of our own. I am excited and scared and nervous and happy.
~~~~~~
The house is close by here, so I am still near family. In fact, the boys don't even have to change schools (relief).
It is a small place, and it isn't my most favoritest home I viewed - those were all out of our price range or we didn't put in our offer in time.
But it is our home. For one year at least.
And it comes with a washer and dryer, so mom won't kill me just to keep my set here at the house.
I am relieved.

Court is delayed...

2009-10-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your prayers, but court has been delayed (Allen's attorney is sick). We now are going November 20. Boo!!!! Oh well.

More nonsense lists

2009-10-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

Still busy but I wanted to update a little bit...

Tried my wedding dress form on again (alterations had to be made).
Still looking for a house. And looking.... But now we have an awesome realtor helping us out.
Got in contact with one of my high school friends, Saane, again. We hadn't spoken in probably 10 years, and she is just as cute as ever. One big plus of Facebook!
My girlfriend Amy treated me to a face wax at a salon in Tempe. Now my face is smoooooth.
I bought new bras. Finally. And nothing makes me feel prettier than new bras that aren't stretched out and nasty.
We have court Monday at 2. I am nervous. Prayers and fasting from anyone still appreciated.

Love to you all!

Good news

2009-10-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

I found a photographer!!! My favorite photog (Amy Fraughton) is out of town, but I found someone named Chalice Leaman who is available! YAY!!! If you want to look at her work, she is at http://chaliceleamanphotography.blogspot.com/.
=D So glad that is squared away!!!

Quick update

2009-09-29T10:55:00.001-07:00

I have been reallllly busy lately so sorry for no posts. Here is a little of what I have been up to:

Had a beautiful wedding shower a week ago. Which I ruined with a temper tantrum. But it was beautiful and I appreciate how hard everyone worked on it.
Got my wedding invitations out yesterday. Finally.
Picked out the fabric for my wedding dress. And tried on the form once already. =)
Took my second Spanish test and my first anatomy/physiology test and lab practical. And realized I really really need to start studying more.
Found a realtor that will (hopefully) find us a house soon. Since we only have 2 weeks left.
Planning my temple trip. Not sure when I can go since it is closed, but I hope soon. Maybe to Snowflake?
Decided I wanted to try a fake tan for my wedding. Did the tanning bed. I am really burned. Ooops.
Got my car back on Friday. And it died again. It's back in the shop so we are missing school today.
Preparing for trial on Monday. Any fasting would be appreciated.
Oh yeah - I have kids too. And Eli gets his Bobcat at Scouts tonight. =) =) =)

I will try and be better at posting, but I doubt that will happen until November.

My mental health update-AKA why I have been a basket case

2009-09-14T17:07:00.000-07:00

My car died a month ago. It was the battery. Then the alternator. Oops - that alternator was bad, so tow it again and get a new alternator put in. But not till after paying the diagnostic fee. Then new spark plugs. And new filter. And repair a sensor. A half a tank of gas gets dumped out the tail pipe before we find out it's the throttle sensor. Oh, and the throttle body. Today I drove it and was so happy to have it back. Then it still is running ragged. So it is back in the shop and I am back to being car-less, but this time $1200 poorer.
Did I mention that this child custody case is getting ugly? New fights. More time working with lawyers. $250/hour to respond to the other person's lies. Then we head to trial the first week of October.
I can't forget that I am moving into a new home. I haven't found it yet, but I do know that I need to find it and rent it within the next 4 weeks. And move my stuff in by then too.
I go pick out my wedding dress fabric on Wednesday. I love my mom and Sister Huston (she is making the dress for me) but I certainly hate wedding dresses. And weddings. And bridal showers.
Oh yeah - I think I am done scouring thrift shops for cups and pots for my shower. But I am still scouring them for a suit coat for Ephraim and some dress pants for Eli.
I only did one registry. I was told I should do two. I don't have the energy for the second one. I think I will leave it at one.
I still have lots to buy. Joe's jacket. Joe's shoes. My shoes. My undergarments. A mattress. Everything that goes in a new home. One that I still haven't found.
Oh yeah, in there I can't forget to go to school and do my homework. And work. And try to parent on occasion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
So some things I am grateful for:
Joe and I have jobs. And he just texted me (while I was typing the sentence about homework) that he was finally hired full time. !!! It has only taken a year.
Joe and I both get to go to school.
I love Joe completely. And we both love the boys with all that we have.
All of us are healthy.
We have a car. A broken car, but still - it is ours.
We are getting married in the temple.
We get to go to a Diamondbacks game as a family on Tuesday.
I have the best parents in the world.
I have wonderful friends and family.
I am never alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am still going to be sad sometimes. Mom, Joe, and my future mother-in-law say the next month is going to be the hardest. I am not looking forward to the struggle. I am tired and already worn down. So if you see me bawling, don't bother asking what is wrong. The laundry list is above. Just feed me some chocolate and I will be smiling after October.

Question

2009-09-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~
When exactly do things get easier?
~~~~~~~~~~~~

My life is like a bad country music song

2009-09-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

This is how my life has been going lately

Ain't that the way the luck goes
Seems like it never can be found
Break my back to make those bank notes
Payin' on an almost always broken down
Fix that car nine ways to Sunday
And it won't start again when Monday rolls around
Ain't that the way the rent goes
Seems like it's never goin' down
And that banker's bound to foreclose
At this rate, I'll lose my interest in this town
Paint the walls mend the windows
'Bout the time the roof comes crumblin' to the ground
I've been footin' the bill for some time
Stretchin' my credit out of line

Clint Black is my soul mate.

I will be posting more when I am not a basket case.

9-09-09

2009-08-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

Seriously, could this commercial be any cooler??

Joe said he wants to buy this because I won't play xbox with him and he said this might actually get me to play. What he doesn't realize is how SICK of Rock Band he will be if we actually do get it.

Then again, it is super expensive so, unless it is a wedding gift from the King of Prussia, we don't have to worry about that argument.

"HYPOTHETICAL" question

2009-08-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Blogging about illegal activities is not a good idea, right? At least when I have an open blog?
Just checking...
And NO, I have nothing new to blog about.

Church Shirts, and a big FAIL for Mom

2009-08-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

Eli is a solid kid, and a little chubby. The other day he said to me "Mom, can I get a new shirt for church? The one I have is tight on my belly and it's embarrassing."
Mom points earned: -100 for not noticing how his clothes are fitting him, and -250 for making him "embarrassed."
His current church shirt is an 8 so I went to Kohls to buy him a size 10. I brought it home, and that one is tight on his belly, too.
Mom points earned: +100 for trying to amend the situation but failing.
I went to Sears at Fiesta Mall the next night and found that they sell husky dress shirts, but of course none in size 10.
Mom points earned: +50 for going to the store but not coming out with anything to even try.
The next day I went to Sears at Superstition Mall, JCPenney, and Old Navy at San Tan. No one has husky shirts in size 10. Or size 8. So I bought him another size 10 shirt, this one from Old Navy, but all they had was long sleeves so I am sure he will die of heat exhaustion.
Mom points earned: +50 for Sears, +50 for JCP, +100 for Old Navy and buying something, -50 for it being long-sleeved and still the wrong size.
We went to McDonalds Friday night to get ice creams, and Eli said he didn't want an ice cream cone. I asked him if he was sure and he said "Yeah, cos I want to fit into my church shirt on Sunday."
Mom points: -500 for still offering him more junk food, and -1000 for turning him into a manorexic.
I suck.

Yogurt is not worth its weight in gold, no matter what they tell you

2009-08-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

Joe and I decided to take the kids to Yogurt Jungle for a treat. We had heard how great it is and decided it sounded like fun and we needed to get out of the house. If you haven't yet been there, it is a self-service yogurt shop that sells the yogurt (and toppings) for 39 cents an ounce. It sounds like a steal, right? Except there are tons of different flavors and toppings to choose from, and we acted like we were at a buffet. $21 later and we had 4 yogurts.
FYI - if it was the most delicious yogurt I had ever eaten, I would not be complaining. Unfortunately, my strawberry yogurt was so sour Joe likened it to the acidity of bile. The New York cheesecake was tasty, and Eli really liked his very berry sorbet. Ephraim hated his (he had strawberry mixed with his french vanilla and chocolate) and because it was so sour, he wouldn't eat and instead whined the whole time. Eli was being Eli and started spinning the table top and before I could say anything, Ephraim's nasty concoction flew off the table and fell on the floor.
We left and made the kids play the quiet game the whole way home because I was so done with them.
That was the worst $21 I ever spent.

School started 3 weeks ago

2009-08-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

The boys started school a long time ago. I am finally posting this picture of them on their first day. Joe and I saw them off - and then clicked our heels on our way out.

The Friday after school started we picked up the boys' new glasses.

Ephraim is near-sighted. I guess he wasn't lying when he sat super close to the tv or computer screen saying he had to sit that close cos he couldn't see. I thought he was just being a typical kid and trying to climb inside the monitor. Eli is only slightly far-sighted but is supposed to wear his glasses for reading. He can wear them all the time if he wants, but mostly he needs them for classwork.

Eli's biggest problem though is that his eyes have a hard time focusing. His eyes over focus, then under focus, and overfocus again just trying to see. We are supposed to be doing exercises a couple times a day; I have been a big slacker though. It just seems like our entire day is hijacked by school (which I love) and homework (which I don't love). Homework takes essentially all afternoon till dinnertime, then after dinner it's time to get ready for bed. I hates it.

I will make another blog post next month. And I am sure it will be as boring as this one. Blech. I am so uninspired.

Why I hate Facebook rant

2009-08-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

I have a ton of things that I want to blog about (okay, maybe 3 or 4 things) but I have noticed that putting them on Facebook is faster and easier, albeit less detailed. So what's the problem?

Well, this blog is sort of a journal for me, since I don't actually keep a real journal. Sadly, my "journal" is obviously filled with tons of nonsense, but at least interspersed in there are some important things that I want to remember forever. When I facebook I don't have that same recall ability as I do here on Blogger. So the answer should be to leave FB alone and just blog, right? Here's the problem. I am extremely lazy. And FB is so fast and easy. Oh the conundrum.

Well, expect to see posts forthcoming that talk about the kids getting glasses, fun court events with the ex, back to school (that happened 2 weeks ago), and other nonsense about weddings and moving out like a grown up. I will post as soon as I get off of Facebook.

Reasons I am excited for school to start

2009-07-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

The boys have been completely bored this summer for a couple reasons: I am a boring mom, it is hotter than hades outside, and we are on a strict budget. We have done a few fun things here and there (thanks for letting us play in your pool yesterday, Cathy!) but by and large it has been a summer full of Age of Empires on the computer, television time, Lego playing, learning how to play Magic (The Get-Together for Renee), Michael Jackson mania, and horseplay. Not very stimulating things. However, the boys have had to use their creativity and imagination to make things feel new. For example, look at these awesome Lego creations:

Ephraim's ---

Eli's ---

So what does this say about my boys? I am not really sure. I am slightly disturbed.

One thing I will miss? The boys trying to dance like Michael Jackson. And trying to dance like breakdancers. And trying to dance like the people on This Christmas. Here's a little Ephraim for your weekend. These are what he calls his "sick dance moves."

Wedding plans, and it's time to move Cicada pictures down

2009-07-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

Last night Cathy, Mom, Joe's mom, and his 2 sisters came over for a wedding-planning meeting. For anyone that doesn't know and actually cares, we have changed direction a bit. We were going to go get married in the Temple, do a ring ceremony afterwards at the church, and then have a reception with dancing food and all that.
However, after our Flagstaff trip, we all had so much fun on our first little family getaway that Joe said he wants to go to Dinseyland with the boys ASAP. With school and being broke, we won't have the time or money to go in the near future (and hopefully I will be pregnant one day, so that would NOT be a fun trip later). He decided he is okay with just going to the Temple to get married then having an intimate family and friends dinner, and taking the kids to Disneyland after!
I am going to get a regular dress, not a wedding dress; he will be in a suit; no dancing; everyone will eat and hopefully enjoy themselves. We have big families so there will still be a lot of people there. But I am so glad we are going more low-key now. The 2 days after the wedding, Joe and I will spend together, just the two of us. Then the next 3 days we will take the boys to Disneyland.
THIS is fun planning. :-)

The Nightlife

2009-07-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

I came home from work the other night and saw this little lovely underneath the coach light on the garage. I couldn't see it very clearly at first, I could just tell that it was HUGE.

Upon closer inspection, I saw it was a cicada.

I felt like I should scrub my hands and my eyes afterward.

"Rob the jewelry store and tell 'em make me a grill" - Grillz by Nelly

2009-07-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

Rapper Paul Wall sporting a grill

I am not a fan of grills; I just laugh when I see rappers wearing them because it is just silly. I am afraid to ask Eli what he thinks of them.

I can't wait for school to start back up.

Flagstaff Day 2

2009-07-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

The second day of Flagstaff we went to the Mount Elden lava tube (it is a cave).

Eli and Joe cheesing on the way up.

Me (without make-up, AACK!) and Eli.

Amy, Ephraim, Eli, Jesse, and Tylin on our way to the cave.

Holy crap - we have to climb through this??

It's awfully dark in there. And cold. And we only have 2 flashlights for all 7 of us.

Looking back out of the tube. It's not too late to turn around...

A little kid made it, so I should be fine right? But his mom was really panting on her way up. Actually, everyone that came back up was panting.

It was actually really dark in the cave, so I couldn't see all the green crap till I looked at the pictures. Good thing the flash on my camera was working.

It is pretty much straight down. Over rocks.

Ephraim said he was absolutely sure he wanted to go.

We hiked down for about 15 minutes (it was really slow-going on the way down, complete with slips and pain) and Amy decided to stop. I was very grateful because I wasn't feeling very good, so we let the men take the kids. They actually went all the way to the end of the tube and touched the back wall, then came back.

Poor Joe is so tall and he kept flashing the light on the ground for Ephraim to watch his footing. He ended up smacking his head about 5 times and had a huge goose egg on the top of his head.

Amy and I waited for them to come back for a long time. We had no flashlight, so we sat in the dark and creeped ourselves out. We finally followed some other people out and waited for the rest of our group to come out.

When we came out, it had been raining up top so it was misty and ethereal. Here is a picture of the mouth of the lava tube.

There's Jess and Tylin coming out.

Joe, Eli and Ephraim were next.

That was so fun. It was absolutely beautiful. I wish we had fun things like this around here that are FREE. Nice, right? The boys had such a great time, and thankfully Joe's head stopped hurting.

Okay, enough of our family vacation. You are all probably bored to tears. Back to other nonsense shortly.

Flagstaff Day 1

2009-07-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

The drive up to Flagstaff. It was only about 2-1/2 hrs including stops and I STILL heard "are we there yet?" about 5 million times. No exaggeration.

We stopped at Montezuma's Castle National Monument and decided it was too hot to hike to the monument, so instead the kids took a picture with Teddy Roosevelt. Good trade off.

Another picture in the air conditioned visitors' center at the monument. I had Joe pick Eli up for the picture since it is hard to get them both in the frame (Joe is a giant).

My girlfriend Amy, who we were visiting, and her daughters Tylin and Jalani (sorry I am misspelling their names, Amy!).

Jesse (Amy's husband), Joe, Eli, and Tylin playing football. Eli was loving life.

The two athletes again.

Jalani hiding in her house while she decided if we were ok to hang out with.

Thankfully we passed her test and she came out and played with Ephraim.

Ephraim is such a happy child. He was thrilled with their goose.

Joe and I enjoying our visit.

For dinner Amy made us buffalo burgers. DELICIOUS! If you have never eaten a buffalo burger I highly recommend it. Beats the pants off of beef. Although most cows don't wear pants, but whatever.

I had such a great time with wonderful friends. It is fun seeing how life has evolved for us. Amy and I became friends back in the 90's when we were both working for TRW. Life has been filled with all kinds of changes since then and it is fun to share it all with her. One thing that hasn't changed during this time is the way we connect. I'm so grateful that she opened up her home to me and my family to come and visit.

~~~~~~

Day 2 coming...

Who knew?

2009-07-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

I thought the Three Wolf Moon shirt was a new, quirky, and relatively unknown thing. And then I saw this picture

and apparently I am WAY behind the trends. That's what happens when you get old.

"I'll keep you my dirty little secret" - AAR

2009-07-16T15:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my head is a kinda weird place, so I decided to share some of my neuroses with you.

I don't like pepperonis because I think they taste like vomit. Or at least like bile.
I am SO relieved to not have a church calling, even though I am supposed to WANT to serve in the ward.
After I drop Joe off at work, I usually go get an ice cream cone at McDonalds without ever telling him that's where I am going. And when the kids call me out and say "Are we going to get an ice cream again?" I tell them NO and act like I don't know what they are talking about. Then we drive right over.
I don't want to be anything when I grow up, except be a mom. And yes, I am going to school and racking up student loans when I could just be a SAHM mom without a degree.
I think animals, especially horses, understand me. Seriously.
I used to really like The Wiggles. Especially Anthony - I think he's cute.
Sometimes I am tempted to break up with Joe just so I don't have to plan the wedding.
When I was a kid I used to have to touch everything with both hands. If I touched a wall with one hand, then I had to touch it with the other one. I still have to do this but I am better at hiding it.
Sometimes I am really proud of my kids, even though it bugs the hell out of me when other people brag about theirs.

See? You are not nearly as crazy as you thought. Diane is way crazier. If it wasn't for me having kids and an almost-husband, I would totally be that crazy cat lady everyone is afraid of.

Three Wolf Moon

2009-07-14T16:54:00.001-07:00

Somedays I love the Superfish writer. For example, today he had this picture of Debbie Rowe on his site replete with a link to the Amazon store to buy a Three Wolf Moon shirt:

Of course, I clicked on the Amazon link and was amazed at all of the wonderful reviews for the Three Wolf Moon shirt. The following are some samples.

"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him."

"The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap. I cannot list the specific effects involving the opposite sex as I am still discovering these. And they are many."

"Most shirts like this only contain one wolf. This shirt has three wolves, plus a moon. You are basically getting three wolves and a moon for the price on one wolf. You won't find that deal anywhere else."

And finally, a video review that made my heart sing:

Why I am up at 3:30 am

2009-07-02T03:26:00.000-07:00

Eli has a stomachache. I am pretty sure it is constipation since my children only eat cheese and meat (analogous to the fake santa in Elf). He was up at 1:30 complaining about his stomach, and of course we are out of Miralax. Ephraim wakes up to pee and surprisingly can't go back to sleep, so I call Joe and we are all off to WalMart to get Eli some relief.

The a/c in the car breaks (!!! (I can sense a new post happening)), I stop to get gas, and return home at almost 3. Of course I can't sleep, so I get on the computer to waste time till my eyes get tired again. Then Ephraim walks into the computer room sporting this:

I am absolutely disgusted. He wants me to pull it out. I tried, really. It just makes me want to throw up. This is why I could never be a dental hygienist. Want me to clean up poop, vomit, etc? I can handle it. I won't like it, but I can do it. Teeth??? No way.

He is now trying to pull it out himself and the sound is making me seriously sick. I am going to go lay down and pretend this night never happened. And if I dream of my teeth falling out, I am grounding him for life.

Update:

He asked me to do it one more time. He said he was worried about it falling out while he was asleep and then choking on it. I pulled it and deserve a medal for valor.

I am queasy.

Inappropriate Me

She walks

On Becoming a Doula

August 2011

Ephraim made it alive to 8

Quick post

Cousin Cathy

A rose by any other name...

Baby photo dump

Irene Annabella

An unwelcome visitor

I've been busy

Midwives are awesome - due dates, not so much

Playing blog catch up part 1

Thoughts at 4 am

Almost there

I hate baby showers. But I LOVE going to lunch.

VBACs

Overwhelmed and Tired - be prepared for whining

We are too smart for our own good

News

Quick post

This little piggy went to the market

Finally posting. And it isn't pretty.

Father's Day is on Sunday

As we are coming up on Pioneer Day...

QUIET

June '10 Random

Truth in Blogging

Eli got his Wolf

Banking. Ugh.

Asthma

Dancing girls - a pedofile's dream

My new OB

Breastfeeding in church - an unofficial poll

Reasons I am grateful on Mother's Day 2010

Eli's 9th birthday

If I held the rally, it would be different

I might be away for a little while

Just a thought

Cloth Diapering Part II

I would totally get arrested for this too

Cloth Diapering

April Gratefuls - an annoyingly positive post

The curse of Granny Fanny

My turn to teach Relief Society

My ob/gyn isn't a fan of home births

April '10 random

I feel bad for my ob/gyn

We need a new camera

The upside of eating better

She's waving hi

Another March '10 random sampler

Mom - skip this post since I know you hate hearing about dreams

How is this possible?

March '10 Random

Our school system rocks

They all come with their own personalities

Photo dump and reasons why I'm lucky

I am Pro Life

Beautiful story

16 weeks

**Regret** and other musings

What kind of a mother am I?

For the Trujillo and Francis women

Gas Station Questions

Oh my, how I am behind on blogging!

February '10 Random

13 weeks... And I still don't believe in getting off the couch

Oh yeah, Ephraim turned 7

12 weeks... And still sitting on the couch

Still here ... And about to be here more!

August 2010

A blog post for Lindsay

I am now...Mrs. Acuña =)

Moving on, growing up

It's only been a year and a half...

Court is delayed...

More nonsense lists

Good news

Regret and other musings